Allright, maybe it’s just the hormones coursing through my veins… or the fact that I’ve spent a good chunk of the last week puking my guts out… hahahaha- don’t get me STARTED on the irony of THAT- being asked about a GAZILLION times a day by witless idiots if it could be that i’m pregnant is TRULY the most uplifting thing i’ve ever experienced….. (yes, that WAS sarcasm)… but it FINALLY just occurred to me that I am INFERTILE!!!
Ok yeah… I know, started the blog, started treatment, babyless after 2.5 YEARS of trying… kind of a DUH moment. But just now… just this very moment, did it actually SINK IN… I’m surrounded by pregnant women and new babies- and I might never experience that again. Don’t get me wrong, not a day goes by that I’m not grateful for my ray of sunshine (my daughter), but… but… yeah….. I AM infertile.
Actually, truly, not able to make babies the “normal” way… Hopefully I won’t have to go to the extreme of IVF or surrogacy, but what if I do??? What if this doesn’t WORK???!!!! and why me???
Maybe this is starting to sound like a typical childish rant of “why me???”… well, ok… I guess it really IS… but it’s soooooooo true… and I feel lost and alone.