So, here I am, hopping on the “new year’s post” bandwagon. But I’m not going to talk about the last year (it was a REALLY rough year!! until the end, anyhow)… nor am I going to talk about the next, and my hopes and dreams, and resolutions. Resolutions hah!! The usuals won’t exactly fit here- lose weight? uh, kinda hard to do when you’re growing another human being inside you. Quit smoking- uh… done and done. Be nicer to people- hah! I wouldn’t make this resolution if someone paid me. Don’t get me wrong, I have tact, but at the same time, I also have the excuse of being hormonally charged and can say whatever the hell I want- I’m NOT going to waste it!!!
So yeah, to get to the TITLE of this post.
My house is dry. VERY VERY VERY dry. MOST winter dryness is bad enough to make me rush to the store the second I have to turn the furnace on to buy a humidifier. This year was the exception. I was busy, and just never got around to doing it. (I only managed to get my christmas shopping done like, 3 days before christmas, so cut me some slack here!) So, my house is lethally dry. Why do I say lethally?? Well, this pregnancy has me dried out like an ancient egyptian mummy. I’m pretty certain that if I didn’t use lotion in amounts equal to what you could use to cover an elephant, that you could poke me with a stick and chunks of dessicated flesh would probably fall off of me.
Which leads me to the nosebleed. Normally, if it is extremely dry, I experience mild nosebleeds. Most people who live in a climate similar to my are familiar with the experience. MOST times a humidifier and a nasal lubricant/saline are enough to rid myself of this problem. Well, NOT this year. I woke up this morning to a VERY full bladder. Any of you who have been pregnant know the experience. You wake up, and waddle (even though you’re not showing yet, you still waddle because your bladder is THAT full) to the bathroom, prepared to enjoy the bliss that is an empty bladder. (for about ten minutes anyhow) So I sit, and I go to grab TP, just to realize that there isn’t any. UGH… I’m not awake enough for this yet, so I sit for a moment to gather my thoughts, and attempt to open the cupboard door that’s about 4 feet from where I’m sitting to get a new roll. And THAT is when the fun REALLY begins!! I manage, while hovering over the seat, to grab a roll, get myelf wiped, and that’s when it hits… The WORST nosebleed I have EVER experienced in my life!!!!!
I must have drained a CUP at least out of ONE nostril. Fun times to be sure. So, as I’m now hovering over the bathroom sink, trying to get the waterfall of my nose under control, it starts draining down the back of my throat too. WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! As if morning nausea wasn’t bad enough, now I get the WONDERFUL flavour of my own blood trickling down the back of my throat… yummy. So, I’m sure you can all imagine how THIS went down.
Picture if you will, a woman, face covered in blood, puking pure bile into a bathroom sink…. with her pants down around her ankles.
Oh?? Did I not mention that??? I didn’t even get time to pull up my damn pants!! Fun times!
So Happy New Year to you!!! As for me, I’m going to pretend today never happened, and hopefully start fresh tomorrow!