Allright- I’ve heard often enough, arguing with idiots just brings you down to their level- and arguing on the internet is akin to banging your head on the wall till your brains fall out- BUT, there are some things that I just CAN’T let go of.
I recently joined a forum, and one of the threads on the “parenting” section is a thread about advocating to have Canadian Provincial Health Plans start covering or partially covering fertility treatments.
Most people, while they have concerns on whether or not our health care system could handle this, are sympathetic at the very least, or curious as to what effect this might have on their OWN health care benefits.
ONE person on the other hand, is a $!%%#&%*^(&^%$&U@. She seems to feel, that because we experience difficulties concieving, that we are selfish, evil mongrels who should NEVER consider being covered by our health care plan, because there are children in need out there- and we should all just adopt or foster kids in need instead of ever having children of our own. In other words, because I need drugs to have a baby- I shouldn’t have one of my own at all- unless I can pay for it. (or have really good private insurance coverage). THIS in a country that has certain provinces that cover gender reassignment surgery. – which, according to this MORON is something that SHOULD be covered- because having the wrong gender “is your body doing something TO you- infertility is just your body NOT doing something to you, therefore, it doesn’t count as a disease, or something that should be treated”.
I don’t know about the rest of you- but I DO know for myself- multiple miscarriages IS your body DOING SOMETHING to you. Chemical pregnancies, tubals, month after month after month of no period with month after month after month of NO PREGNANCY… that IS your body DOING something to you!!!!
What’s worse, is that this person SUPPOSEDLY suffered for five years with endometriosis, which caused infertility. Only to stop treatment, and go on to have NOT JUST ONE- but two or three biological children- BY ACCIDENT!!!
So she “KNOWS” how we feel. (what she says, not me) That’s like me saying to someone who’s had three rounds of unsuccessful IVF, only to be told they’re done- they will NEVER have children, that I KNOW how they feel, simply because I too experienced infertility. What a friggin JOKE!!! (too bad it’s not funny)
Why is it that infertility is STILL so misunderstood? Why is it, that we can accept almost ANYTHING as being painful, but as soon as you even HINT at the pain of not having biological children, you are all of a sudden a monster?? It’s PERFECTLY ok to NOT want to have children- EVER, and several couples do this successfully- NO ONE calls them selfish (except maybe relatives who want nieces/nephews/grandchildren). People who have six kids of their own, naturally- no one faults THEM and tells THEM to just go out and adopt!! So why is it, that we have to suffer not only with the pain of unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant for YEARS at a time, and suffering with side effects of medications, and procedures, and sometimes just not knowing what the hell is wrong with us- WE are considered selfish, and our pain belittled? Why is it wrong for me to feel heartbroken at the thought, that my husband could have very well ended up raising a child that’s not his – and never having one of his own? (unless he found a new wife- and don’t even get me started on the nights I cried myself to sleep thinking he’d be better off if I left him to FIND a new wife who could give him a child of his own).
And what’s worse, is that this is how people who’ve NEVER had bio-children of their own are treated. I DO have a child of my own- I suffered with secondary infertility. What kind of horrible, selfish, bitch does this make me? What kind of monster is my husband to want his OWN child- and not just be raising the child of another man. Why should we be forced to adopt, when quite frankly, my husband already HAS adopted, and is caring for a child whose father doesn’t do diddly squat for her. But he’s selfish for wanting to have a child that’s of his own DNA?? For wanting a child to carry on HIS last name?? For wanting to be there right from day one- to raise a child he knows is HIS- body and soul??
I know, that if we DID ever have to go the route of adoption, my husband would love that child like his own. I never worry about whether he will love the child I’m carrying more than he loves our daughter- as far as he’s concerned, she IS his- BUT I have noticed that many people find it all too easy to discount a biological connection. I almost hate to say it like that, because I know that there are all too many people who’ve had to make the difficult decision to use donor eggs/sperm. I’d actually really like to hear your take on this, and what the difference is to you, between carrying a child using donor material, and adoption. And why you chose that option-and if there’s others who chose the opposite route- adoption vs. using donor material. (or even just adoption vs. fertility treatments)
I guess the bottom line is this- I understand that people may disagree with fertility treatment being a necessary medical procedure, and that is their reasoning behind not wanting it to be covered by health care plans, but what I fail to understand is WHY being infertile means that I should be MORE responsible for those children whose parents couldn’t take responsibility for them?? Why is it up to people who have suffered infertility to have to adopt all the unfortunate children of the world?? Especially when it actually costs MORE, alot of the time, than the treatment for infertility- not to mention how friggin difficult it is to even be considered a candidate for adoption!! Why can’t we make everyone equally responsible? Why can’t fertile people be held JUST as responsible for the welfare of ALL children as they seem to expect infertile couples to be? Why should I have to pay more, or be forced to adopt a child that some fertile twit couldn’t take care of, or just didn’t WANT to take care of? I know it’s childish, but I seriously just want to stomp my feet and scream “NO FAIR!!!!” So- have fun telling me I’m wrong, and selfish…Just remember- here at least, I can delete you!!! 😀