Because I’m bored, sleepy, and have nothing better to do…

I used to be a nurse. My first (and last) nursing job ever was working for a “medical corporation”. The “corporation” ran two seperate walk-in clinics. One at the “main clinic”, where all the doctors, specialists, and admin were housed. And the other just a converted house that was made into a clinic for sick/hurt people to go. I honestly cannot even BEGIN to describe how much working at the walk-in sucked. 8 hour shifts, just myself and ONE doc for staff, and on average about 200+ patients streaming through the doors (and I could SWEAR that at least 25% of them came within 1/2 an hour of the clinic closing).  There WERE however a few good things about working there- I lost weight because I rarely had an opportunity to eat. And even when I did- I had to eat at the desk, where the sick people insisted on leaning as far over the counter as they could to cough all over me and my grub. I learned really quickly to keep lids on all my beverages- and only take the lid off when I wanted a sip- you don’t WANT to know how THAT revelation came about.

So one day, a young guy (probably in his early-mid twenties) comes in with a young girl. Because I’m a jaded bitch- I assume they’re there for STD testing, process them as usual and tell em to wait. This poor guy is ANTSY though- he just won’t sit down. He sits.. and then fidgets… and then stands… all the while the female keeps patting his hand and trying to reassure him. So now- I’m thinking druggy. Oh yay! It seems that most drug seekers are illiterate- they come to the clinic in varying degrees of “agony” and needing something- ANYTHING for the pain, they’ve tried everything they could think of and nothing is working- maybe just a bit of demerol or morph or even T3’s. The clinic does NOT keep narcotics on the premisis- at all-  EVER!!! And there’s a big f’n sign on the door stating so. (once upon a time not so long ago, they did- but people just broke in and stole them despite the security system and all that jazz.) Because it’s just me and the doc working, I quickly excuse myself to go and apprise him of the situation. – Drug seekers/users can be REALLY unpredictable- so you want to handle it appropriately so no one gets hurt. So, the doc grabs the guy, and takes him to our “treatment room” at the back. Turns out, this guy has been fidgetty because he actually IS in excruciating pain. Somehow he had gotten an abcess right at the top of the crack of his arse (the best way I can describe an abcess is to think of it like an ENORMOUS pimple- it’s full of pus and revolting and very very very painful). So we’re in the treatment room, we get him all fixed up- his gf (? the girl that was with him) and the doc leave the room. I inform the guy that he can get dressed, he’s got a scrip for antibiotics, give him directions to the nearest open pharmacy, all while busy cleaning up the mess. I turn around to ask him if he’s got any questions and good lord did he EVER- I don’t know what the hell he was thinking, but subtle hints did not work- obvious hints did not work- and even when I told him straight out to put his damn pants back on- he just shrugged and continued asking me stupid questions about his ASS!!

So there I am more-or-less face to face with Mr. Willy (yes- I AM that f’n short) trying to keep a straight face and answer this guy’s questions.  To this day, I don’t know if he was just fucking with me or not- but it still makes me laugh every time I think of this dude casually standing there holding a conversation- completely naked from the waist down.