This is NOT going to be informative… most likely it won’t even be coherent…

My daughter has ghetto booty…. and she is a lily white (well, actually very well tanned right now) girl. Her junk in the trunk didn’t concern me- I just thought “oh… FINALLY!!! she’s putting on some weight!!” Unlike her mother, my daughter is underweight- by 9 lbs. At my age, 9 lbs underweight is coveted- at her age, not so much. So when her walk started to wiggle, and she started to fill out in the behind I rejoiced. I exulted… I thought, “hallelujah her pants will stop falling down!!!”

Then her room started to smell. We wash her sheets & blankets weekly. I get her to make the bed and tidy her room every day. I have checked the vents for ANYTHING and everything that could possibly cause a smell… and never could figure it out… UNTIL- a woman that my husband works with mentioned the aroma of her child’s bedroom- and the accompanying signs of (dun dun dun….) PUBERTY.

*cue blood-curdling scream

Today my darling, sweet, baby-faced baby girl came home with B.O.

wow… what the hell do I do now??? (besides going out to buy deodorant- we already did). We’ve covered the basics of puberty and what to expect- but I still feel TOTALLY unprepared for this! I’m just thrilled that the training bras have been taken care of- apparently it’s a “trend” for girls now in her class to wear “bras”- because they are pretty and boys don’t get them. Grandma bought my daughter two- she got hooked and picked out a few more when I took her shopping for school. We’ve had the talk about her period, and hair that she should be expecting. It was earlier this summer when she approached me about shaving her legs (and I damn near had a heart attack), and I put her off and told her to wait until it was as bad as her dad’s or Uncle Josh’s…

I think what I really want to know is: what about me??? Who gives me the pep talk and tells me everything is going to be ok??? I’m not old enough for my daughter to start puberty dammit!!! And I can just IMAGINE the fun I’m going to have if I DO somehow manage to have another child- one in diapers the other in pads??!! eeeeeeeek!!! There’s already enough crazy hormones in my house!! Why oh why must the powers that be punish me??!!!

**heh- you’d think I was in constant crisis around here- in reality we’re really quite boring… it’s just been an interesting year…

***heeheee- interesting…. baaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahhah… yeah… it’s been interesting alright… baaaaaaaahahahahahahaahahahaha

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