I go buy an f’n umbrella…

Wha? You thought I was going to say something else??

heh… with this post I most likely run the risk of sounding like Debbie does Drama (everyone wave hello to the porn bots that’ll be spawning like rabbits over THAT sentence!!) but I needs to get it off my chest- and that’s what this blog is FOR dammit!!

So it’s been a fun few weeks. School started, and I was excited- I was going to have time to CLEAN MY HOUSE!!! No more daily stampedes of filthy children raiding my cupboards and getting grubby fingers all over my beautiful creamy beige walls. No more nasty dirty footprints on my ceramic tile- seriously, as much as I LOVE LOVE LOOOOOOVE my ceramic tile floors in the kitchen and hallway- when you can SEE the footprints from sweaty bare feet- it’s just plain gross!!

I’m not so all the excited anymore.

Day one, I accompany my daughter to school- she disappears of course, but I have another purpose in mind. That purpose is to touch base with her teacher and get a feel for how THIS year might go. Last year’s teacher, although I had my doubts, was AMAZING. She worked with PMG wonderfully- finding ways to keep her from getting distracted, to defuse meltdowns, and her schoolwork actually IMPROVING. My daughter had NEVER gotten exceptional report cards. A lot of them she was just barely getting by- and it’s not because she’s not smart. She went from a complete and utter refusal to even TRY to read books at the beginning of grade one, to a grade four+ reading level in English AND French in the span of a year. She’s in French Immersion- and does marvelously with her accent and comprehension- we KNOW she’s not struggling academically… as long as you can get her to sit down and actually DO her work and listen when it’s time to listen.

And that was our problem.

She just didn’t listen. She doesn’t listen when you are speaking to her. She doesn’t listen when you ask her something. And good lord help you if you try to MAKE her listen. She melts down completely. She becomes violently enraged. She’s never ONCE been a harm to others, but to herself- she pulls her hair, she scratches herself, she pinches and hits herself. So far this year, she’s bitten a pencil in half, had three separate temper tantrums, been sent to the office twice, and had one of three notices of which she’ll be expelled for her behaviour if it continues.

The new school year has been in session for 20 days today.

Most of you are probably thinking: “gawd woman- get that kid some ritalin! STAT!” And if I’d done that when she started having problems, she’d be even worse now. My daughter does not have ADHD. She does not have ADD. She has something worse. Much worse.

While the majority of children diagnosed with attention disorders will grow out of it- my daughter will not. Her disorder will get worse as she enters adolescence, peaking usually in mid-late teens, and if she SURVIVES it- will likely cause her problems throughout her entire life. She may seem fine. But my daughter will never BE fine. She will struggle her ENTIRE LIFE- even if SHE is “fine” -with the label that having a mental illness brings.

And she got it from me.

My daughter, my life, my sunshine, has bipolar.

At 8 friggin years old my daughter has periods of feeling suicidal. She has trouble sleeping, concentrating, and regulating her moods. Is she a bad child? No. Would she ever intentionally hurt someone? NEVER. Will others treat her differently because she has a mental disorder? I wish I could say they wouldn’t- but I know better. Already this week her teacher is breathing a sigh of relief because my daughter will be medicated. She’s noticing the “changes” in my daughter this week- she’s agreeable, helpful, and studious. She’s SUPERKID™!!!

My daughter starts medication TOMORROW.

This ride just keeps getting funner and funner….