I learned a new term this week- “WIFE AGGRO”.

I’d heard it bandied about before and never thought anything of it. Heck, I may have even chuckled at the term before it was applied to me.

Some background for all you non-gamer types. “Aggro” is a term used in games like World of Warcraft for when monsters get pissed off and try to kill you. “Wife aggro” is the term used for wives who get pissed at the gamer….

Despite my understanding of his gaming (hours and hours and MORE fucking hours), despite me putting up with my husband’s “girlfriend” (what I call his friend who acts like a jealous girlfriend anytime I want to spend time with MY husband), despite all the fucking BULLSHIT of putting up with a man- I got called on WIFE AGGRO!!!

I had EVERY GODDAMN RIGHT to get pissed off!! Stupid asshole single friend called during Thanksgiving weekend and copped attitude on ME- because “how was HE supposed to remember that it’s a holiday weekend- HE’S a single guy- and doesn’t care about that shit!”… uh… you’re supposed to remember because my husband TOLD YOU- you goddamn monkey brained moronic assbag!!!! GAH!!!!

So yeah…. to my actual point…

I wish to GAWD I’d never gotten married.

I’m not saying that I want to NOT be married, or that I want a divorce or anything. But after three years, it has become oh so clear to me that women TRULY get the shit end of the stick in marriage.

Society convinces us that marriage=security. It’s announcing to the WORLD that you belong together and are in loooooove. It gives you tax breaks… You have a shiny piece of paper stating “this person is MINE”… and jewelery. What woman can resist??? Just to sweeten the pot though- we’ll make the idea seem REPUGNANT to men! It’s a competition!!! You have to MAKE the man marry you- you have to make him WANT to keep you for himself!! It’s a competition against mens’ instinct to sow wild oats- but also a competition against other women to see who gets the biggest and best prize. How many of you have thought “oh gawd I hope I get married before so-and-so or I will just DIE!!”??? Then who can forget:

THE WEDDING

What little girl DOESN’T dream about the perfect white gown, the friends she’ll ask to stand beside her in fashionably criminal dresses, the colors, the venue???  There are movies, and books, and magazines- all dedicated to ONE THING ONLY- the wedding.

well I’ll tell you all a secret- I was NOT one of those little girls. Not even by a long shot!

I grew up in a home that wasn’t exactly, shall we say, pleasant. No sunshine and roses and baby kittens and unicorn rainbow poop…. therefore, I grew up thinking that marriage SUCKED… so I decided I wasn’t going to do it- I was going to travel and never depend on ANYONE but me….

fucked that up didn’t I….

But I held strong. And even when I met the man of my dreams I very bluntly told him that I wasn’t interested in a piece of jewelery that was just a fancy leash to me or a piece of paper that just held it over my head that I was stuck- forever… unless I wanted to PAY.

My sweetheart’s response? “You’re going to marry me whether you like it or not!”

And who can resist THAT charm right?? So I caved. I even got excited. I had a BEEEEEYOOOOTIFUL wedding. I thought, well, this ain’t so bad… Maybe I can live with it… and then-

things changed

I’m no longer “fun”. I’m no longer someone my husband wants to spend every waking moment with- most of it in bed. My body is ravaged from PCOS and fertility drugs and pregnancy and loss. My self esteem is virtually non-existent (and how sexy is THAT??!!). I feel old and used up and useless.

But is it my fault or his?? I’m the same person- I still love to go out. I still give AMAZING blowjobs. I still play the same games and have the same personality and joke around. I’m still “one of the guys, but nicer on the eyes”…

So why am I NOT included anymore??? Why is me wanting time with my husband classified as wife aggro? Why do I get the shit end of the stick? Why is it ME that has to put up with him when he’s sick, or after surgery, or tired, and cranky???Why is it that if I want time with my husband it has to be doing what HE wants- or I’M the bad guy??? I try so hard and give so much… for what??? I don’t get flowers, or jewelery, or TIME…. I get time on HIS terms, when HE wants, doing what HE likes… and I OWE him for it. There’s no “thanks for taking care of me when I was a whiny bitch after surgery” (two weeks before Christmas I might add). There’s no appreciation for the things I’ve given up because of HIS physical limitations. There’s NO acknowledgement of the fact that I quietly stand by and let him do whatever he needs/wants to in order for him to be happy and comfortable. That I do things just to make him happy with NO consideration of what’s in it for me (probably because the answer would be NOTHING)…

I want to be a girlfriend again. I want to feel wanted, and appreciated. I want my husband to tell his friends to fuck off because he’s going to get laid… not get blown off when I offer. I want him to stay awake talking to me until the wee hours of the morning because there’s so much we don’t know about each other, not listen to him snore in the middle of a sentence because I’m doing all the talking… I want him to WANT to spend time with me, not just do it to avoid the wife aggro…

There’s no such thing as girlfriend aggro…

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