Now that I have had a chance to mellow…. and I have a single spare moment to myself- there’s something I would like to clear up.
Yes- my husband can be an ultimate douche. BUT- he is also the best husband in the world.
Picture a man who was COMPLETELY single for 2.5 years, wrapped up in work, video games, and that’s it. Negativo on the socializing. Except at work- in the military… yeah… oh yeah- testosterone picnic from HELL.
And then throw him into a relationship (yes- he had a choice) with a bipolar woman and her bipolar four year old and a mortgage (we wanted to move in together but paying rent for a shithole when a mortgage on a nice home was cheaper just made sense) and a car payment because we needed a bigger vehicle for all of us, and and and…. For the most part, he’s handled it with aplomb…
He’s actually handled things admirably. He is attentive, and kind, and listens. He judges my bipolar swings better than I do sometimes and he truly tries to UNDERSTAND like no one ever has- even people who HAVE bipolar. He doesn’t blame me for our infertility, though I DO blame myself and the guilt I feel for already having a child and not being able to give him one of his own (so far- I’m not out of this game yet!!) spills over. I DO get angry, and I feel hurt. And yes- my husband has most DEFINITELY withdrawn into himself and his games- but can you really blame him??? He lost his first son. His first child. His first pregnancy with a woman he loves.
He struggles EVERY SINGLE DAY to raise a child who’s biological father can’t be bothered. He pays for her meds, and a roof over her head, and for me to stay home so I can be here for her.
And all this time, it sits in the back of his head- that THIS may be all he ever gets. He loves a child unconditionally- and the man who doesn’t? Will always come first to her…
While his son, his baby, his only biological child, isn’t here.
The stats aren’t good. The divorce rate for bereaved parents is estimated anywhere from 60-80%. Day-to-day difficulties are hard enough for most couples (50% divorce rate for those who HAVEN’T had trauma like ours). In the past year- my husband has stood by me through my stepfather’s suicide, housing my mother for several months while she pulled her shit back together, dealing with my abusive, asshole father and psychotic step-mother (who disown me on a regular basis and try to make my daughter hate him), being a friend and support for my pot-head moron younger brother who repays him by treating him like a lower life form because he’s not “handy”, the diagnosis of my daughter’s bipolar, putting up with her “donor’s” bullshit- and the frustration it causes me (and her aggravation and abandonment issues because of it), and of course- the death of our son.
I’d run away too if I could. And if video games are it- then I need to speak up more. As of this point, my husband has informed the rude asshole “girlfriend” that he needs to clean his shit up and start treating me with respect if he’s (my husband) going to remain friends with him. He deleted the character on the server WITH the whiny bitch friend. He took me to the ballet!! (heh- actually it was already planned over a month ago- it was an anniversary gift- and TOTALLY his own idea!! – see I told you he’s not a complete ass).
Yes, he pisses me off, and YES-gawd yes, do I feel used up and spit out sometimes. But MOST of the time, I feel cherished, and cared for, and loved. It just doesn’t translate well on the interwebs.
Which is why I’m implementing a “day”. I’m calling it “why I love my husband, wife, S.O., life partner, etc etc etc…day.” From now on, every Thursday, I am going to think of something about my husband that I love- a reason why I enjoy being married, why I love being with a man who makes my life so complete. I’m going to think of, and tell the WORLD all the nice things he does for me. Because he does. And I don’t want my blog to be all about the negative. I realize that I’ve been (with pretty good reason) a sad sack. And I hate that I may be coming across as a depressing, boring, sad little person. That’s not me- I’m the “happy maker”. So now I want to inject some of that here… starting now…
Stay tuned for the first edition of “Why I love my Husband” day… coming up later because I have to get lunch started and switch over my laundry… bbl