Not doing all that well right now… so far the contractions are happening a lot less frequently and the spotting has confined itself to when I have a BM… physically, bed rest is hard, but at least it’s doing what it’s supposed to…

Emotionally, I’m a friggin mess. I cry for almost no reason and I’m frustrated and angry. I just want a damn baby! Is that so much to ask for?? I have a friend who recently reached the 24 week mark who complains on a daily basis about getting up to pee multiple times at night… lmao… getting up to pee is the only time I can even GET up- I envy everyone around me right now… and I hate it. I HATE having to tell my daughter to do more around the house- I hate that my husband has to go to work and then come home and deal with my emotional do-nothing ass and take care of the house and… He doesn’t deserve this…. I don’t deserve him… If he found someone else he’d have babies now… He would never know the sheer anguish of losing a child… he would not have to deal with the stress of possibly losing another… or a looooong stay in the NICU…. he wouldn’t have a mental-case wife who cries when he does housework because it’s MY job and I can’t…. I just lay here….

I can’t even imagine spending at least the next four weeks like this… only to have to go to the hospital 2 hours away- away from my daughter, and my husband, away from my home… I’m a wreck after two DAYS!!!! God help me…

Is there anyone out there that’s done this who can tell me how the hell I’m supposed to get through this???

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