So yeah… we used to have an air-bed in our spare room. We had spare sheets (because the air bed was the same size as my own bed) and blankets. And pillows… but because I am a moron, and because my mother moved in (for all of like, 3 days before she had a temper tantrum and left) I now have “real” furniture in my spare bedroom… minus the bed.

My inlaws will be here any day now and are planning to stay in that room… and did I mention I no longer have the air bed? At some point between Christmas and now, the damn thing has sprung a leak. GAH!! So I now need to find a bed (a CHEAP-ass bed because, well I’m cheap…. and poor) and because I am cheap and poor, we will very likely NOT be purchasing a queen size bed, and therefore I will also need to be purchasing new sheets and other bedding. Also- my spare room is a freaking DISASTER and I can’t make it perfect.

And by perfect, I mean that I am one of those people that attempts to make everything PERFECT. Little basket with hand towels and toiletries? Check. 300+ count bedding? Check. Extra pillows? Check. Furniture was optional- having nice little touches that make people feel welcome in my home just entirely is NOT!!!!

I want to spend time selecting the perfect bedding set, wandering the aisles of some big-box monstrosity of a store choosing out sheets, and throw pillows and blankets, and maybe a new set of nice hand-towels or four- because I have two baths and really, each bath should have at least two good sets of hand-towels and face cloths so that when one is dirty you can wash it and still have one set out to look pretty. And so yes…. also, we have discovered a need to replace our front curtains and rod DESPERATELY because well, we have cats and wide window ledges they like to lay on… only the fat black monster cat is an asshole and likes to make a hammock out of my curtains while on the ledge because he seems to take offense to direct sunlight coming through the window and unless you have a curtain rod made from solid titanium, when a fat asshole 22lb cat uses your curtains as a hammock, it’s going to fuck that rod’s shit up!! And the hardware you use to attach it to the wall. (there’s only so much a screw can do y’all!!)

In short, my house is falling apart. My candle-holders are empty, the clutter is taking over- the DUST!! OMG THE DUST!! is probably going to start mutating into actual bunnies soon with big scary teeth and eat me while I”m helpless on my sofa. I’m almost afraid to go into my bathrooms at this point, and I’m pretty sure I should have hazmat warning signs on the doors. And don’t even get me started on the kitchen. My baby, my beautiful kitchen… should be condemned right now… and I haven’t even been able to make a mess in it for WEEKS!! /cry

So where the REAL masochism comes in is that I am sending my husband, god bless him, out into the world of home decor and making HIM buy a new bed, sheets, comforter etc, AND curtains with rods. (we decided to cover up the back patio door better since the sofa I currently live on is just a little bit too visible from said door). So yeah… *deep breath* I trust my husband, I really truly do… but omg am I INSANE???!!! He has a penis!!! I don’t know if he knows the difference between rusty orange and fuschia!!! (and please honey, if you read this before you leave tonight- don’t tell me if you don’t know… or I will cry!) I just pray that I have rubbed off on him in the tiniest way and that I am pleasantly surprised. My biggest fear is that he will just buy what is cheap-EST without regard for whether or not it is hideous. And then I think, he knows me, he knows my style- he will do alright… and now I will nap, and most likely have nightmares about hideous monstrosities that some store is trying to pass off as curtains. Pray for me please!!

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