still here… Thank god… is it insane that I’m counting down days?? I would say that under normal circumstances, the answer would be a resounding “YES!” but yeah- my circumstances are a little different.

A conversation I had today on MSN with a friend:

her: blah blah, need a bigger place with a better layout blah blah blah- preferably sooner than later

me: oh, so you ARE pregnant again- I thought you were going to wait hahahaha <-the sarcasm doesn’t translate well in type apparently

her: no, but I’m thinking I’d like to get pregnant around September because I’d like to have a June baby… blah blah- I just think it’d be nice, I’d be able to get out more than I did with my (currently still a baby) baby- because it’s just too cool in the spring to get out with a little one…blah blah blah

*note that she is explaining the whole “spring baby” thing to me like I don’t already fucking know!! um- hai- my daughter’s bday is in mid-march asshole!! And just because she’s NINE doesn’t mean I don’t remember what it was like when she was tiny and I was virtually confined to my house for three months because “spring” in the area I live is more like, winter junior- the only reason there’s no snow is because it’s too busy pissing rain… and it’s still cold. Like, people that visit here from California wear winter parkas in April and May – and I’m not friggin exaggerating because I actually have an aunt who lives in california and she came here a couple of years ago in May and I was running around in shorts and she made me take her out to get a parka because she was freezing her ass off.  So yeah- whatever, that’s so not the point… the point is that I am feeling a little sorry for myself right now because SERIOUSLY???? Who the hell tells a woman on bedrest, who is two days away from the gestation at which her son was born (and died) and just over two weeks away from the one-year anniversary date of that child- who has been stabbed in the spine FIFTEEN FUCKING TIMES in order to have a cerclage put in, only to end up with pre-term labour ANYWAY- that it would be so nice to have a June baby- so we’re GOING to get pregnant in September????!!!!!

I would honestly like to say that I would never wish infertility on anyone, ever, but I can’t. In this case- I want it to take her five fucking years!!!! That’s the same amount of time that has passed since my husband and I have been trying plus a year for being an insensitive bitch.

Yes- I’m evil… I know… but why is it that karma can’t kick anyone ELSE in the ass for a change???