Hooray!! I love doctor day because I get to leave my house… and shower!! wooohooo!!

Hopefully at this visit I will find out when she plans to have my do the awful horrid no good really bad glucose test, so I can check one more thing off my list of things to do. Things that I can get done and so don’t have to rely on hubby or PMG or anyone else to do, because unfortunately, a good majority of those things just don’t get done. I feel for my poor husband, he has to work, and come home, and do all of the things I normally do, which I never even realized was actually a whole lot. For example, I am the yard caretaker. My husband DOES mow the lawn… sometimes… like when he looks outside and panics that if it’s not done the housing authority (we live in military housing) will rip our faces off send us notice that if we don’t get on it we can and will be evicted. But for the most part, I am the one who rakes the yard in the spring to get rid of all the dead grass and any leftover leaves from the fall, I overseed if we have winterkill, and I do a great majority of the mowing. I make him do the trimming though… I hate the weed-whacker!! So yeah, this year my lawn looks like hell. It’s half dead, kinda scraggly and needs to be mowed. There is bits of garbage flying around EVERYWHERE because the houses across from us are being renovated, as well as several other houses down the block from us. Construction workers are MESSY!! They should seriously consider having a mom on every work site to tell these boys to pull up their pants and clean up their mess- and stop smoking so damn much because the stink blows in my open windows and makes me gag..  Of course I get no reprieve because my horrid neighbour can’t seem to understand that when she smokes on her front porch it blows in my windows as well, and if she would just take her filthy smoking ass into the back yard where she has CHAIRS and a DECK and would be more comfortable, the smoke would not be a problem because the fence blocks a majority of the smoke from my windows and thus, there is no problem. And hah! listen to the cranky ex-smoker whine and bitch about the dirty awful smokers now!! bahahahahahahaha I always swore I would not become one of those ex-smoker non-smokers who bitched about smokers, I guess I lied- the smell!! omg the SMELL!!! It really is rancid!! And in my defense I was MUCH more considerate of other people when I smoked- for example- I smoked where people couldn’t SMELL ME!!!!

So there you have it.. more nonsensical rambling from me…

But wait- I’m not done… I have another rant… I call the it “THE HELL???”

I know that people are reading. WordPress dashboard tells me that… but I am not quite smart enough to know WHO is reading. I know that I have been found through the LFCA, as well as through other blogs I have commented on, and Lord knows that I have a shit-ton of traffic from porn-searchers and the like  (my mymmy fuck in my birtday<— actual search term used to find my blog- again I say THE HELL?????) The thing that makes me wonder though is that virtually NO ONE comments. I have my “followers”- people whom I know read, and who are always good for a comment to make me feel better and make me smile (shout out to my fave girls: MintaYo-Yo Mama and G ) But all in all, I get very very few comments. Take yesterday for example. I had 31 views total, 26 of my home page, 4 specifically on the post I made yesterday and 1 other. I had ONE comment. ONE… I read a blog post today of someone I follow- within the first hour of posting – girl had 8 comments!!! EIGHT!!! So what exactly is wrong with me??? I can say all I want that I don’t do the blogging thing for the comments, or for people to follow me fanatically. I don’t want to be dooce, or the next bloggess…. But I must admit that there is a part of me that stings. That wants to curl up and cry like I did when I was a teeny tiny little geeky kid with no friends- that kid that got picked on every single day no matter how hard she tried to fit in, or be kind. I’m still that kid. I’m still that girl who always roots for the underdog, who has NEVER once let bitterness affect how I feel or what I think of another blogger. Maybe I”m no good at it, but I have tried, sincerely TRIED to be supportive of EVERY SINGLE PERSON in this blogging community. I have not restricted myself to ONLY reading blogs of non-pregnant or childless IF”ers or ONLY babyloss mamas because it made me feel bad. Does it hurt sometimes to read of others successes when I have failed? you better believe it does… does that mean that the person writing that blog doesn’t feel isolated, alone or maybe just needing someone to say they care? NO.

I have tried to be a good little blogger and comment my little heart out. I have tried to be supportive. Apparently, as in most of my life that support is decidedly one-sided. Apparently I’m still a little geek who just never quite fits in…

** I just had to edit this to add- I have now received a delurker’s comments- which were truly wonderful and think I may have found another best friend… lol… but also was visited by three spam bots- two for marijuana (the hell???) and one that had me roflmao- Anusol: Welcome to the third trimester!! baaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaahahahahahaahahaahahaahah omg that is fricken hilarious!!! **

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