Because there is NO WAY in fucking HELL that I will EVER go back to that hospital again! Incompetence is one thing, but taking out that incompetence on me is just something else.

Now, we can say that I am slightly irrational due to several factors: 1) I am HUGELY pregnant. 2) I am HUGELY pregnant after an extremely difficult high-risk pregnancy. 3) I have been contracting with increasing intensity and varying levels of pain for 17… yes, that is SEVENTEEN fucking weeks… 4) I’ve had my cerclage out for a week and am 2 days post stretch and sweep- a stretch and sweep that was done several DAYS after I was expected to deliver based on the frequency/intensity of contractions and the fact that I was dilated and effaced.

So yes…. I am a little batshit crazy right now…

But that does NOT excuse incompetence on the part of medical staff in this area… OR for a fucking sadistic vicious cunt of an L&D nurse to become injurious to me because she just happens to be pregnant and annoyed that she had to deal with me again.

Let me tell you something- I have fibro… that = chronic pain. Which, fortunately for me results in an epic pain tolerance. I didn’t need medication for pain/cramping after my cerclage was put in… I was perfectly fine after it came out (despite the apparent horror of having it out- the nurse who assisted told me that if she’d had done to her what was done to me, she would have passed out from the pain… and this woman watches people give birth for a living!) I’ve had two colposcopies (this is where they take little chunks out of your cervix- if you’re lucky/smart you’ve taken tylenol or something beforehand… I was a dumbass and didn’t). I’ve delivered two babies. I’ve had a stretch and sweep. All of these unpleasant, but not especially painful. Well, whatever that cunt did when she was checking my cervix (aside from digging her fucking fingernails into me, which even through gloves isn’t exactly what I’d call pleasant) HURT. A FUCK-TON OF A LOT!! Like, I was in tears for several HOURS afterwards from the cramping and pain in my vagina. Pain I’m still in…

But let’s THEN add insult to injury and tell me flat-out that I’m not even having FALSE labour (and seriously, she was far too young to be using such outdated terms- it’s called PRODROMAL labour you stupid twat!!) but I’m not in labour at all and that I’m basically just faking it.

Of course, I really shouldn’t be surprised seeing as how this is typical for so-called medical professionals in my area….

A list of “things that just don’t make sense” to medical professionals in my area:

Abdominal pain in a patient with cervical cancer (it turned out to be kidney stones and bladder infection- two week pre-surgery… tylenol don’t fix that shit yo! but that’s what I was told to do because my “pain didn’t make sense”)

Contractions that actually show up on a toco meter when it’s placed correctly!! But of course- I’m just a crackhead faker and the contractions that finally started to register (after I moved the damn meter MYSELF) weren’t because I was HAVING contractions- it was because I was coughing and/or moving…. (coughing for over a minute straight in increments of about every 7 minutes).

A woman in prodromal labour who for some strange reason seems to be having contractions that slow down when she goes to the hospital after being treated like a fucking moron who’s faking having contractions and has most likely developed PTSD from being told for WEEKS that she’s imagining things only to find out that her stitches HAD indeed started tearing from the contractions she’s been having- and if someone had actually taken the time to LOOK- they would have known this!!! It’s a well-known fact that a woman in labour who becomes severely stressed can have what’s known as STALLED LABOUR. Gee I can’t imagine why my uterus would have “white coat syndrome” at this point.

What makes it all worse is that if I had access to a proper midwife/delivering staff, they would likely be looking into what I already suspect- that I most likely have a stenotic cervix. That is basically, the OPPOSITE of incompetent cervix, in that scar tissue on the cervix causes it to remain closed/ not open beyond a certain point. The fact that I’m fully effaced and only 3 cm (and staying there despite contractions) all but confirms it… And all it usually takes to get things moving again is to have someone manually break up the scar tissue… but unfortunately, I live in the seventh circle of buttfuck nowhere hell and no one will listen to me. (you don’t even want to hear about the stunned one who knew ALL about BFAR but insisted that I start supplementing immediately after delivery with bottled formula- NOT an at-breast supplementer, but BOTTLES!!!) Why???? Why am I surrounded by these people??

Since when is it OK to be completely ignorant and incompetent when information is so readily available???!!!! How is it that I can know more about cerclage surgery than the people who WORK on a labour and delivery floor EVERY DAY???!!! How can I know more about BFAR than the lactation consultant?? How is it even possible that I know correct terminology that the STAFF in the hospital don’t???!! HOW HOW HOW???!!!

I know that Dr. Google does not know all- which is why I’ve consulted my own collection of medical texts as well as those available in the Uni library. I’ve checked and re-checked and double-checked my information. I may be wrong…. but at least I was willing to find answers.. which is more than I can say for those who are responsible for my care- and the care of my unborn child.

Ultimately, I can say that at this point, I’m horrified to ever have to go back to that hospital. Whatever that woman did while “checking my cervix”- was not only painful, but violating. I feel like I’ve been hate-fucked or raped. By another woman. Someone who should understand, who should be able to show some empathy for my situation, or at the very least, have some compassion. Pat me on the head, send me home…. it’s not like me being hooked up to a monitor for half an hour is REALLY inconveniencing you that much… But to intentionally hurt someone just because you are irritated- because they are THAT annoying patient (and I already feel bad for “wasting everyone’s time”)… that’s just wrong. And I don’t know what I’m going to do…. I can’t go back there… I can’t face that again. It was hard enough going back worried that the contractions would slow down again just from being in the hospital and being treated like an idiot again…. being treated like an idiot is one thing… what was done last night was not even describable.

What would you do?? I don’t have any other hospital options- there IS only one hospital within 2 hours that does deliveries…. Please advise- I’m really at a loss in this situation…