I don’t really even know how to write it here…. and I’m still not really wanting to tell people I know IRL- which is why this post was protected…

And it’s funny and ironic in a way…

The girl who gets embarrassed by NOTHING…. who can tell all and sundry to anyone and everyone…. Who never had a problem divesting details of her reduction surgery (of COURSE I’ll show you my scars, if you really wanna see em!), her infertility, the death of her son, etc etc etc… I make no excuses for my fucked up, whack-job shitty family- I tell it like it is… and yet…. and still…

THIS- I have kept secret…. THIS I have only shared with one other person, that person being my husband. And this was a decision we both had to make…

I am getting banded…

*deep breath*

There- I said it… and I can already hear the recriminations- why not try harder? you JUST started weight waste-of-my-goddamn-money w@tchers!! I’m sure if you just give it time? Maybe your metformin dosage needs to be higher? Maybe you should try herbal magic again- you’re on the pill this time, so your PCOS is under control right- so the herbal magic should work! You need to exercise more- just have more willpower, just eat less fatty!!!

and… I’m done being fat. I miss being thin, being able to “shake that thang” and have it not be ALL of me shaking, being able to find pants in a size that doesn’t look like the pants should swallow me whole. Shallow?? not entirely. I have pre-diabetes. I have PCOS. I am at risk for hypertension as it runs in both sides of my family- oh yeah and my BMI is 44!!!!

Say what you will fat-haters, banding is a viable, permanent option for those who’ve run out of options!! Say what you want fat-supporters- I am NOT hawt OR healthy with this much of me to love!!

And so… my birthday present to me, is an awesome holiday trip- wrapped up with a surgical procedure that will change my life… oi…

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