I’m just too tired to do a full update tonight after spending the majority of the day in a panic and crying off and on. The measurements of my cervix today ranged from 1.63cm to 1.37cm; the tech I had today was an incompetent (hah!) twit and I’m not sure she even knew what she was looking for- I think the stitch may be gone. She didn’t find it in any case- not that she seemed to even look for it; and there was definite funneling, especially with valsalva (downward pressure, like when you take a poop). Funneling that should not even be possible with an abdominal cerclage. No instructions…. no reassurance… she just said she was done and I could go now and traipsed out of the room. Ditsy nincompoop didn’t even think to offer to help me sit up- funny considering she is working in a high risk pregnancy clinic (they do “normal” pregnancies too, but the majority seen in this office are people like me!) where there are a LOT of us on bedrest who are not supposed to sit up unassisted. She had just SEEN what happens with abdominal pressure- so she left me to sit up on my own. Fucking genius. In any case, I haven’t heard from the doc yet- quite frankly, I don’t even know if this stunned, pathetic excuse for a medical employee gave him the results or just handed them to the reception staff to process… which may take a couple of days… awesome… even with all the knowledge I have and the medical training- nothing has prepared me for this and I feel completely lost. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do, and I’ve discovered that I most definitely have some issues regarding hospital visits… which is a post for another time… for now, I’m going to go try to sleep despite the fact that I’m terrified and have a million zillion things running through my head right now.

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