It’s been a bit of a crazy week with another epic fail ultrasound, a whole lotta cramping and a wheeeee! fun panic attack. The end result of all the fun- I won a two-night, three day stay at the hospital. I’m now home, being seen by a home-care nurse who comes once a day to do an NST and monitor for contractions. The good news, ffN was negative- which should give me at least two weeks, and even if it doesn’t, based on babe’s development, the perinatology team and neonatologist all feel that little man will do very well.  Statement from the doc is that this boy is coming early one way or another, but we will do the best we can to make it to at least 34-35 weeks, barring any complications- also keeping me home as long as possible, however there’s a good chance that I’ll spend at least another week or two chillin at the hosp before this little monkey gets delivered. The bad news is that it’s all touch-and-go from here. I’m on pretty strict bedrest to avoid any more contractions (they’re a little more thorough in checking for them here- they picked up several on the first NST, not regular thankfully) and my cervix, though maintaining at 1.7cm IS showing some definite beaking and possibly fluid inside the gap. Babe is definitely on the down low and putting a lot of pressure on the stitch, which was extremely difficult to see at this point due to his head resting ON the stitch. They’ll be keeping a really close eye on it from here on out- doing U/S weekly, instead of every two weeks… now onto your regularly scheduled weekly update:

How far along? 31+

Bedrest so far: three days in hosp, strict bedrest at home until delivery

Total weight gain/loss:  no idea… won’t get weighed until next Tuesday

G.D. : the hospital “diabetic diet” is total bullshit- my sugars SUCKED!!! They’ve been fine since I got home though…

Cervical Length?:  1.7cm with beaking and possible fluid in the gap…

Labor signs:  since coming home I’ve just had a few BH’s, the back pain I was having late last week, and early this week has abated, and with the increased time spent horizontal I haven’t had any contractions. yay!!!

Medications?: prenatals, and back on the iron pills again…

Sleep:  in the hospital, I could hardly sleep to save my life- when I got home I napped for a good 2-3 hours, and then slept almost 12 hours last night… I was so tired I didn’t even have to get up to pee… was pretty uncomfortable when I did wake up though!!

Best moment this week: getting to come home from the hospital. The kitties missed me!! And obviously so did my Gremlin- she has been pretty much glued to me since I got home…

Worst Moment this week: having a panic attack at the hospital because I was so terrified to go into the assessment ward at L&D. Even though I’ve been told again, and again, and again to go for ANYTHING- no matter how small, I can’t seem to get over the hang up of how I was treated at the hospital back in MB. I’m terrified to be treated that way again- to be called a liar, told that I’m just looking for attention and to stop it, that I’m in false labour and just having braxton hicks so “suck it up”… (yes, these are all things that were ACTUALLY said to me, to my face, by NURSING STAFF at the L&D assessment unit back in MB) not to mention the physical damage that was caused to my cervix because they refused to do their jobs- damage that was so bad my OBGYN there told me that I should NEVER get pregnant again, even if I didn’t need fertility treatment. I hate that the things they said and did have made me into this person who is terrified to seek medical care, even for valid reasons.

Movement:  lots and lots! I’ve definitely gotten to know his schedule really well- he’s a good little boy and sleeps when momma sleeps, and plays after I eat, and sometimes a little bit before. He’s definitely got some strong legs on him- I’ve never had kicks quite like this little guy gives before!!

Food cravings/aversions:   chocolate!! even though it’s really a no-no for me I can’t help wanting sweet sweet chocolatey goodness…

Belly Button in or out?: I can’t see it.. it’s almost flat.

Gender:  still most definitely a boy! The tech I had at the hospital was awesome and we joked about how often some techs are wrong- she doesn’t understand how someone who does what they do for a living can mistake the two different bits, unless they can’t really see and just guess.

What I miss:  I miss being mobile. I know now that I REALLY need to take it easy and not push my luck. I miss being able to hope that I’d make it to at least 36 or 37 weeks despite the difficulties I’ve been having (yes, I have been THAT delusional that no matter how many times I’ve been told otherwise, I kept hoping I’d defy the odds in my favor for once!) I miss thinking that we’d manage to avoid the NICU entirely- or at least only need a couple of days… that’s extremely unlikely to happen, our best case scenario now is to make it to 35 weeks and hopefully only need a week or two… 34 weeks is much more likely… and at worst I’ve got only 2 weeks (based on the fact that the ffN was negative)

What I am looking forward to:   having this pregnancy over and done with… I want little man to stay in as long as humanly possible, but the stress of yet another high risk pregnancy is really getting to me. I’m depressed and irritable and just so over it!!! I can’t wait to just be exhausted and sore and blissfully in love with this little man- to have him home and safe and sound in my arms.

Weekly Wisdom:   what happened in MB should NEVER happen. I was informed by multiple staff at the hospital that their job was to make ME feel better, even if it seemed I was simply seeking attention and wasting their time. They never once made me feel like I was an inconvenience, or taking up a bed that someone else “deserved” more than me. I was also informed that if I didn’t NEED to be in the hospital- I wouldn’t be!!!! And the ward was completely full after I arrived. They actually had to send several women to other wards and into overflow beds because they were so busy!

Symptoms: BH’s, irritability, weepiness, exhaustion, starving all the time, but too much baby to eat a lot!