Combo feeding is HARD!!! It takes 3 times as long to feed my boy than if I “picked a side”, so to speak. So I did… BFAR fail, once again. Anyone wanna buy a barely-used hospital-grade pump???
Otherwise, despite an epic infection that had me on 3 days IV antibiotics and 10 days oral, recovery from my c-section is going great! I feel great and baby boy is an awesome baby!! He really is everything I could ever have asked for! He ended up spending a total of 9 days in the NICU, we brought him home last Wednesday.
I must say it’s certainly been an adjustment. Gremlin is full-on into the terrible twos. It’s been a pretty steady stream of screaming, kicking, flailing temper tantrums from her for about three days now. She loves her brother and wants to help out so much. We let her do what she can, but she’s gotten really impatient and has regressed pretty badly in her vocalization. Where she used to ask so nicely for things, she’s been doing the scream and point a lot more this week. I’m hoping things settle down soon- could be wishful thinking though, since we’ve just completed the master bedroom floor and therefore will be moving back up to the main floor from our basement for sleeping. eek!
As far as the difficulties go though, it really isn’t so bad. I’m tired, still slightly sore, but I have a huge help in having my husband home, a once-a-week house cleaner, and a really content, easy baby.
I’ve also had a lot of success as far as my weight-loss goes. I was “banded” in March of 2011, and had lost a fair bit of weight before getting pregnant, about 35lbs from my heaviest weight. Well, I’m thrilled to say that I’m now at the lowest weight I’ve been in about 4 years. I’ve still got about 45lbs until my pre-marriage weight, and 90lbs before I’m at my ‘goal’. I almost crapped my pants when I stepped on the scale today, I was honestly half-expecting to see an increase in my weight- even though I can see the visible differences the loss has made. My face is less full, my wedding ring even is fitting different. I’m still all jello-y and post-partum doughy round the middle- but I’ll take it!!
baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahaahahahaahahahhahahaha…. yeah. that was a bad joke…
I’m pretty certain most, if not all, of my loyal readers are already aware that Little Man is here! This is the story, a few days late of how shiz went down.
As you already know if you’ve been keeping up with my drivel, I’ve been experiencing “prodromal” labour for a couple of weeks now. Which sucked. The contractions seemed to be increasing in severity, but never getting any regularity whatsoever. I’d contract every 5 or so minutes for an hour, just to have them slow down to about every 20 mins for an hour then pick up again… In any case, I was told by the OB covering for Dr. Awesome that if I started bleeding or leaking fluid to get my ass to the hospital. None of that ever had a chance to happen.
Friday night was pretty miserable, I barely slept, and just felt a general state of total fatigue and crap- contracting constantly, again without any rhyme or reason. I tried taking Ty.lenol to calm things down with minimal success. Saturday was worse…. much much worse. I knew the contractions I was having were labour contractions, but because they never came closer together or had any regularity whatsoever, I was extremely reluctant to go get checked out. (believe me, it’s really NOT fun to drive 1/2 an hour to the hospital to get told to “suck it up princess- it’s just false labour; faking it will not get you any sympathy here” <— yes, I WAS actually told this during my last pregnancy during the five weeks of prodromal hell I experienced- it was one of many many horrible awful very bad no good things spouted to me during that time). So anyway, by 11pm Saturday night, I was in the tub writhing in pain that was enough to bring me to tears, a very epic accomplishment considering I live in constant pain from the fibro, and so have a very very high pain tolerance. My husband, knowing this, became pretty concerned, and called L&D, who, obviously, told him to make me come in… so I argued with him for about half an hour and told him I’d just take more Ty.lenol and try to sleep it off… hahahahaahahaha
Needless to say, my husband won the argument… I went in to L&D to discover their equipment actually works, and although irregular my contractions were most definitely measuring in the level of “painful”. I was checked for dilation and given a very brief external U/S to ensure the stitch had not already ruptured. Lo and behold, my asshole cervix was opening- I was 1-2cm, with a guessed length of about 1/2-1cm only. GO ME!! There was some discussion among the OB on call and perinatologist who I love- she was the perinatologist whom I met with during my previous hospital stay- and myself on the best course of action. I was given two choices; wait it out and hope upon hope that the labour stopped, risking the stitch rupturing, hemorrhage, big mess and possible hysterectomy OR deliver this “term” baby NOW. Given the U/S dating, we all assumed I was closer to 37 weeks than 36, and because I’d been given steroids already to help with lung development, everyone agreed that was our safest course. Hubs left the hospital to take our surprisingly un-exhausted Gremlin home to bed, and I was prepped for surgery; Getting an IV started was a bitch, I got poked about 5 or so times for that, and twice to get bloodwork drawn. Then was taken down to the OR to try and get a spinal started. It actually worked out in my favor that we weren’t able to get it started, because the OB got called away to do a delivery!! By the time he go back, the spinal would have worn off- so right out to sleep I went.
The surgery went well, and at 4:07 am July 29th, 2012 my wee man was born!! A whopping 8lbs 13oz and 20 inches long! (my little short-ass!)
Unfortunately, the tale doesn’t quite end there… I awoke in a room and was asked if I would like to see my boy. It was explained that he was slightly more premature than was suspected- his estimated gestational age only 36 weeks, and that due to that, and the fact that I had GD (which can cause delay in lung development, even when controlled well), he was having a bit of trouble breathing and would need to be in the NICU. They wheeled him in to see me, CPAP mask in place, and removed his little cap to show me his abundance of dark, slightly wavy hair- he looks just like his daddy!!! I quickly dozed back off, I’d been given a goodly dose of morphine after surgery (I also had my tubes tied), but I dreamed of my sweet, dark-haired little love.
It’s now four days later and I’m your typical, exhausted, post-partum mom. Recovery from the surgery has been very hard, and complicated by the high level of activity I’ve had to maintain due to trips to the NICU, both in hospital (long friggin walk from my ward to there), and now being home, with an active toddler making daily trips to the hospital (more long friggin walks from the parkade to the NICU); almost complete lack of ability to have any sort of real “rest” between 2-3 hour wakings to pump so that wee man can get every single drop of breast milk available to him, and the stress of having a babe in NICU. For the most part, I can’t say a single bad thing about the staff at the hospital here- they have done so much and been so kind, and helpful- the complete opposite of the experience I had with Gremlin, but it’s still stressful all the same- and made harder by the fact that I do have my little Gremlin and have to divide my time between a toddler who can’t understand why mama has to be gone so much time, and a little man in the hospital who I want to be with so desperately it’s almost physically painful.
The positive side of it all is this- my sweet boy-child is here, and he is doing very well. He spent a day and a bit on CPAP, moving up to nasal cannula, and has been doing trials on room air since Wednesday. He was able to start taking the breast Wednesday night, and is a voracious little piggy! He’s definitely his father’s boy- apparently hubs’ mom used to cry when she had to feed him because he was such an insatiable little hog!! He’s a lot more alert every day, he wakes when he hears my voice every time I come to visit now and starts wiggling like mad to be picked up. He loves his paci like it’s a part of him, and is the most amazing little snuggler- when doing kangaroo care he literally tries to wrap his wee little arms around you, or grabs your finger like a lifeline- he just never wants to be let go. He is the most amazing little miracle and I love him more than life itself. I can’t wait to bring him home and have our family all together again under the same roof.
How far along? 27.5 weeks
Bedrest so far: hah- rest!!! that’s a big friggin not happening. I put my feet up a lot lately. It seems I have about one useful hour a day where I can accomplish something, the rest of the time I just want to sleep.
Total weight gain/loss: I haven’t weighed myself since the OB…
G.D. : FAIL… not surprised!! I was insulin dependent last time- the odds of NOT having diabeetus this time around were pretty much nil. Picked up a super nerd-tastic glucometer though! 😀
Cervical Length?: see the doc next week, I’m pretty sure he’s making me have another u/s that day to check on the ol ‘vix….
Labor signs: feels like babe’s head is in my cooter… other than that, just braxton hicks
Medications?: prenatals, iron supplement, soon to be insulin
Sleep: there can never be enough. I could seriously nap for most of the day and still want to go to bed by 8pm…
Best moment this week: do I have to pick just one?? Our cat had kittens on mother’s day- the babies’ eyes have just opened and they are soooo snuggly!!! We also got the painting done in the nursery- just need to do another quick coat since the damn blue stripes that had been painted by the previous owners were just so damn dark that two coats of primer and one coat of paint STILL didn’t completely cover them!! I picked up the decals for the walls- it’s all going to look just so gorgeous when it’s done!
Worst Moment this week: my oldest has once again returned to fuckwad’s fantasyland of fun in her brain… my ex- who hasn’t paid child support in a year and a half- has filled her head with how wonderful life is now that he once again has a girlfriend. So ONCE AGAIN I am dealing with a kid with oppositional defiant disorder who thinks that she can just go live with daddy since things “suck” at home. She is actually to the point of being outwardly abusive towards me and her little sister- I’m sincerely tempted to fly her ass back to manitoba to her father and tell him- he fucked her up, HE can spend the next 7 years fixing her. At this point, if the violence towards her younger sibling doesn’t stop- it’s going to be that, or we place her in a group home for kids with her kinds of issues. Full of the suck!
Movement: I think this kid has like, 15 limbs…
Food cravings/aversions: spicy foods and steak still. The occasional sweet craving too.
Belly Button in or out?: what belly button?? lol.. it’s flattening more and more and looks really really weird- all discolored and stuff from the puncture wound.
Gender: octopus with a penis
What I miss: the good ol’ days when my ex was in a mental inpatient program and my oldest child would fucking BEHAVE because she didn’t constantly have her father encouraging her disrespect towards me and my husband or feeding into her delusional fantasies of how *AWESOME* life is when you are an ambitionless fucking deadbeat piece of shit.
What I am looking forward to: being done with this pregnancy… I’m content to wait- I want to hit at LEAST 37 weeks… but yeah, I’m done!
Weekly Wisdom: murder is still illegal- even if you’re almost 100% certain you could claim temporary insanity
Symptoms: BH’s; lower back pain; pressure in teh v@gina; return of the all-day-neverending epic fucking nausea
And because I have more than one child- y’all get a two-fer because I was too damn tired to update on Emilie’s 18 month well-baby check yesterday.
So- 18 months (actually about 18 1/2 months now, but fuck it- she can stay a baby a while longer right?) is awesome. She is a walking, talking, temper machine!! Man, I dare anyone to tell this girl no. Most of the time though, she is a sweet, friendly girl who is a total people pleaser. She loves to make other people laugh- her favorite word is “YAY!!” Which she does while clapping her hands together and squealing with joy. Her vocabulary is epic though! Just yesterday the health nurse stopped dead in her tracks when Gremlin, who was carrying a granola bar, dropped said granola bar and stopped and said “Oh! I dropped it!” clear as day!
Apparently, the guidelines are for her to have at least ten words- we’ve well surpassed that for a while now. She’s also, as you can see, using 2-3 word phrases. I chalk a lot of her language development up to the fact that she has two very doting parents and an extremely attentive big sister who talks to her and reads to her and plays with her a lot. It’s really quite heartwarming to see the bond between my two girls- the age difference means nothing to them- they are close as could be!
Potty training is hit-and-miss. Some days she’s gung-ho to sit on the potty, but most often actually “going” on the potty is only by accident. She is aware of when she goes pee, and will tell us if she is pooping, but doesn’t quite equate the potty with peeing and pooping yet.
All in all, things with Gremlin are going swimmingly, and things with PMG are going surprisingly well with the stress of yet another high-risk pregnancy. We had a med change for her in November, and it really seems to have done away with the lows she was experiencing on Concert@. Her new pediatrician does not doubt that she displays some ADHD qualities, but after the online testing he had me perform, she scored much higher for bi-polar as well as oppositional defiant disorder. She will also be seen by a multi-disciplinary committee who will assist with therapy and alternative treatment/respite etc.
And I am sooo having the worst pregnancy brain right now… I keep typing and then forget what the hell I’m trying to say… Time for bed!!
So I haven’t been getting much time to blog- between work, trying to shop for a damn van, and all the other miscellaneous crap that is necessary for me to be doing in my life (buying/making/cleaning up meals, laundry, etc) I have been fail in keeping updates on my pregnancy and life in general. So, I am going to once again, steal from my bedrest bestie, Tiffany, and use the “weekly check-in” thingy, she does a Maternity Monday, my safest bet for actually attempting a weekly post is the weekend… so, without further ado (aka mindnumbing babble ala moi):
How far along? 10 weeks
Bedrest so far: not gonna be any! I hope!!
Total weight gain/loss: 2lbs- mostly water and poo… feeling very bloated
Maternity clothes?: I am rocking the maternity pants in the first trimester! go me!! I wear sweats and pajamas and yoga pants at home though. I can wear pretty much any type of top still, but I needed to purchase new bras today- in a flippin I cup!!! goddammit!!!
Stretch marks? I changed this question last time, and I’m going to change it this time too- since there isn’t an inch of my belly that isn’t covered in stretch marks- I have vertical ones from PMG and horizontal ones from Emilie- my belly is plaid people!!! that’s just plain effed up!!! So, instead I will comment on the GD- since I’m pretty sure I already failed my first gestational diabetes test last night… boourns!
G.D. : fail… been avoiding sugar like the plague, and I’m not on bedrest this time, so I’m hoping it’s at least more manageable this time and I don’t end up needing insulin! Pretty sure I failed the first glucose test though last night, I felt like total balls during and after I did the test. On another note, that orange crap still tastes like ass!!! ugh- note to medical testing supply companies- can’t you make that godawful shit in different flavors??
Cervical Length?: 2.9cm- countdown to TAC – 15 days!!
Labor signs: not a one! Praise be!
Medications?: Prenatals, and bucketfuls of Diclectin- also purchased some “sea bands” that are supposed to help with nausea, so far, other than the fact that they get really uncomfortable after a while, they seem to be helping!!
Sleep: I keep saying I wish that I could sleep through the entire first trimester, but with work, other kids, husband, and house- oh and did I mention vehicle shopping (which sucks in the most incredibly mind fucking way) I’ve pretty much given up on ever feeling rested again until after I’m dead. Also- sleep regression and waking up at night can suck my stinky poohole!
Best moment this week: Telling off the other girl at work. She whined because she is supposed to work her second job on the day my nuchal translucency is booked, I very politely told her that it wasn’t my problem, the life of myself and my baby means more to me than her job. suck it bitch! ( in saying, I probably need to do a few posts describing the epicness of my fellow employee… )
Worst Moment this week: Learning that my blood pressure is staying high- it’s still within normal range, but higher than my normal- and that scares me! I don’t want to have a TAC to avoid bedrest, just to end up on bedrest because the stress of dealing with my coworker is making my BP skyrocket.
Movement: Just a whole lot of stretching.
Food cravings/aversions: No cravings so far- just a whole lot of aversions. I only just this week started being able to eat poultry again, and I can only eat a few bites at a time very very slowly to ensure my stomach doesn’t rebel and bring the whole lot up. Fun Fact: when you regurgitate milk- no matter how you do it, or how hard you try, it manages to come out your nose, every. bloody. time!!
Belly Button in or out?: in
Gender: if past history is any indication, this one is packing boy parts.
What I miss: Food, not feeling on the verge of barf constantly, feeling awake once in a while!!
What I am looking forward to: Nuchal next Friday!!
Weekly Wisdom: I CAN go to work on 4 hours sleep and not drool on myself!! woo!!!
Milestones: GDS #1
Symptoms: Nausea, scent aversions, epic fatigue, constipation.
That’s all for now folks!! Tata!!
Being a fat girl is no fun…. being a fat girl who’s lost 35-40 ish lbs after being banded in March is even LESS fun- because even though I shrunk, I did not shrink anywhere near enough and now I am pregnant AND still fat, and therefore not losing anymore weight and I am so bloated my pants fit like I never lost any weight at all, and none of them fit… So, it’s official- I am not even in the second trimester and my fat ass is already wearing maternity pants… or at least it will be after I hem them because I am not only fat- I am short… I am the epitome of “as wide as she is tall”… FML!!!
In other news, this eve is OB visit #2 where I will hopefully have a date for cerclage placement, and also find out which type of cerclage they are going to do. I am really gunning for an abdominal, as much as it horrifies me to have a C-section, I like my odds with the abdominal much better! I like even more that my odds of bedrest with the abdominal are also much lower- I really really love my job and would just die a little inside if I had to leave it and spend another 5-ish months on the couch again… even though I have much comfier couches that are suited perfectly for bedrest this time! I must admit though, I am slightly nervous for this visit. I always get so tense before seeing the OB now, the epic fails that abounded in my last pregnancy have made me little gun-shy this time around. I know I’m in better hands this time around, but I still get nervous that I’m going to end up with a torn-up cervix (again) and getting treated like a hypersensitive hypochondriac for going in to the hosp almost every. single. bloody. night because my contractions are coming every 5 mins (again)- but then slow down to every 20 mins once I’m on the monitor… (and did I mention that time when my labour was induced and I gave birth to a baby -vaginally- about 8 hours later without a single f’n contraction showing up on the damn monitor??). whooo boy… so lots of things going on in my head. Here’s hoping I get some answers tonight and can feel reassured that I’m being PROPERLY taken care of for this pregnancy… at least until I have to go back in again!!
Will update AFTER the visit to let y’all know how it went!
Granted, I have PCOS, which responded epically well to meds, so most days I don’t even feel like a real infertile. Most days which have now increased into EVERY single day…
I feel like an imposter.
I also feel like I want to punch the next damn person who tells me any of the following: “see, you just needed to relax is all!!”; “it must be because you lost all that weight!”; “it must be meant to be!!” etc etc etc…
Fuck me sideways I’m bloody pregnant!!!
And despite knowing precisely how this happened, I can’t help but wonder- HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN??? and why now? Don’t get me wrong, I am blissfully ecstatic to be in my *ahem* condition, but truly, it is not the most convenient of times. Our house is under some pretty heavy renovations- our bathroom is more-or-less in a state of complete destruction- we have working (ish) fixtures, but parts of floors and walls are missing!! Our bathtub feels like it may fall through the floor at any minute, and our toilet does not have a lid… just the ring!! The sink leaks like it thinks it’s the almighty and our bathroom the world with Gremlin’s bath toys as the ark and animals! I’ve only just finished my probationary period at my job, which I love and would sincerely die a little inside to lose. I know they can’t terminate me for being pregnant, but with the risk factors involved in carrying to term… at least I work for a doctor right? Best place for a high risk pregnancy to be!! My husband has only finished one term of his two-year education- who knows how his job searching will go when he’s finished, will we even be able to afford a third child!!??
So mostly, I’m shitting myself… except as those of you long-term readers may remember- my body thinks shitting while pregnant is HIGHLY overrated.
And once upon a time I said this WASN’T going to turn into a pregnancy blog… my bad. Have I mentioned I’ve been busy? with work, and demolishing my house???
Look pretty girls!!!
See how I distracted you there??? I’m an evil genius!!