BECAUSE I USE BAD WORDS…

This shiz be cray!!!

I am typing this on my phone so it’s gonna be short. I have been upgraded to a lovely suite in the hosp. After yet another fail-trasound wherein no accurate measurement was taken but a whole crap tonne of cramping ensued, my hubby again stepped in and dragged my arse to the hospital. I proceeded to have a Full-on shitstorm of a panic attack, so he then called my doc to back him up. I got to hang out in assessment for a bit and then the really nice resident told me that after speaking with my ob, they were going to keep me. No word yet on how long, I’m to have a proper u/s tomorrow to see how things are looking. But my ob’s an early bird who does rounds at asscrack dawn, so I’d better try and get some shuteye. 

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Update number eleventy billion and one….

How far along? 31 weeks

Bedrest so far: two weeks- yay me! I’m not in the hospital!

Total weight gain/loss:  I’m up a whole .44lbs… (converted from Kg) for a total gain of approximately 3.5lbs

G.D. :  sugars are doing good; have had a couple slightly high readings which is to be expected due to the whole bedrest thing… if things continue as they are now, I may just be able to avoid insulin! woot!!

Cervical Length?:   no measurement for this week- I go on Tuesday for another U/S to measure the length and check the “beaking” (not quite funneling, but close); been having a lot more discharge this week, so I’m not expecting things to be great.

Labor signs: some pretty nasty contractions, but nothing regular. I’m almost certain that my mucous plug is going to make an appearance any day now- I’ve had an increase in mucousy discharge so there’s definitely something going on down yonder…

Medications?: prenatals

Sleep:  naps… lots and lots of naps… even at night. I find that I sleep well for a few hours at a time, then I need to pee, then I’m usually hungry, then I sleep again… I’m like an infant- eat, sleep, pee (because I can hardly poop to save my life…)

Best moment this week:  Reading up on NICU stats and how long baby boy would likely be in hospital if he were to come today, tomorrow, next week, three weeks from now, etc… It made me feel better because I was expecting it to be a lot longer than it will probably be! And I always tend to feel better when I’m well informed about things, it enables me to plan a lot better, and I’m a planner!!

Worst Moment this week:  the 1/2 hour of 3-5 minute contractions… scary and hurty!

Movement:  seems he’s starting to get a little cramped and/or going through a growth spurt- I’m still getting lots of movement, but not quite the humdinger kicks like I was getting last week.

Food cravings/aversions:   I wants me some chocolate in the worst way…

Belly Button in or out?:  we have reverted once more to the mangled innie… little man has dropped a little bit more, and so my belly is almost deflated looking a bit…

Gender:  boy!

What I miss:  being able to pick up Gremlin for hugs… she is not coping well with me not being able to lift her…

What I am looking forward to:  being done… of having my little family all home and being able to just enjoy life without all the stress and drama that is high-risk pregnancy…

Weekly Wisdom:  I got nothin

Symptoms: BH’s; some contractions; nausea; tired as shit!

I’m an asshole-eeeeeooooeeeeeoooole!!

And yes, I’m referring to myself…

I have found myself increasingly bitter and wanting to punch “normal” pregnant women in the taco… I’m dead serious that if I hear one more whiny, almost full-term twat bitch about how fucking HARD it is to be pregnant my head will probably explode.

OB visit today went really well, I actually saw a fill-in doc- she was awesome sauce! I’m booked in for yet ANOTHER U/S to check my cervix next Tuesday, but didn’t have to have one today thank the heavens since my last one was less than a week ago… Of course- the OB’s office is always a treat. Completely fucking full waiting room, whiny asshole kids (and only one of them was mine! – I kid, actually Gremlin was super awesome and behaved really really well today!!)- there was a mom with a set of twins my husband was almost certain were actually going to beat each other to a bloody pulp, the “hipster” couple that you could tell read every damn baby book on the shelves to be the most perfect parents ever known to man- feeding their child dried fruit by the handful and sitting there smugly looking at the twin mom who’d just fed her kids a granola bar. Of course, hipster mom never even stopping to think for a second that dried fruit is called nature’s CANDY for a fucking reason!!! You could actually SEE the thoughts of superiority ringing through her head as she pulls out her little baggy of dried fruit: “see how much healthier MY child is- she’s eating fruit while your child is eating a granola bar!!!” um, just to note- there’s more sugar in a toddler’s handful of craisins than there is in two granola bars- and there’s less fiber and other nutrients.

Of course I was the asshole who damn near started a war in the waiting room because I was that mom who just happened to forget she had a couple of oreos stashed in my purse from when we went out for lunch last week. (there’s a local chain-restaurant that gives out little 2-packs of oreos with every order off the kids’ menu… so I usually have a couple of them stashed in my purse and forget about them until they are a crumbly mess in the package and I throw them out) and so anyway, Gremlin went diggin in mama’s purse and found the vaunted oreos and well, every other kid in the place went completely batshit!! So of course, I opened them and gave them to Gremlin, and then sat back with a smug look of my own and watched the other kids take their mommies and daddies on a fun little trip to melt-down town… 😛

So back to the subject of taco punching… More excerpts from preggo-forumland:

Enter first time preggo- ZERO complications… no nausea, no SPD, no diabeetus, no blood pressure issues or swelling of any kind. Her first pregnancy is a lot like my first was- textbook fucking perfect. And the bitch has the nerve to write a fucking ESSAY whining about the fact that her GP hasn’t referred her to an OB yet…. and she never even bothered to ASK until now… and is freaking out because it may take up to 5 weeks to get in, and she’ll be 34 weeks by then and isn’t that too late and why oh god why can’t I have anything ELSE to panic about because I’m feeling decidedly left out of the fucking whine fest because, I actually HAVE not a fucking thing to whine about!!!!

Enter *calm pottymouth trying to explain that for a normal pregnancy- all the intervention is completely unnecessary. That as long as she’s had all the proper testing, and there are no complications, she’s actually pretty lucky to not have to subject herself to OB’s office HELL. I mean seriously- given the option, I would take a 20 minute wait to see a GP for 5 minutes to say “yep, all’s fine here”- than spend the better part of an entire fucking DAY sitting in an OB’s office to have a 5 minute visit long enough to get reminded that if I feel ANYTHING out of the ordinary- please for the love of all that is holy go to the hospital!!! Oh, and please, take another 3 or so hours out of your life next week to get yet another U/S that will really serve no other purpose than making you feel like shit because despite doing sweet dick-all at home, your cervix is an even bigger asshole than you and won’t stop shrinking!!!

So yeah… I’m an asshole and completely jaded and just don’t understand the need to panic and worry over every little thing… and to me, this is pretty fucking inconsequential. It seems to me more that she wants to see an OB so she can feel a part of the big girls club, instead of feeling grateful that she doesn’t NEED to see an OB. I guess it’s just another example of perspective. I’m sure to those still in the infertility trenches, I sound like a completely ungrateful cunt too; how dare I whine and bitch and moan- I HAVE ATTAINED PREGNANCY. To those with greater complications than me, or those still early-on in the babyloss process; I’ve had my rainbow, now I get a SECOND- I’m a greedy whore-bag, can’t I just be grateful for what I’ve been given??

Believe me, I am most definitely grateful. But I would be a whole lot more grateful to be the whiny bitch who doesn’t have an OB…

*calm being a completely subjective term- see above about risk of head explosion

And just because I’m pissy

Delivering 2 weeks before your due date does not make your baby “early”… it makes your doctor wrong about your fucking due date! Morons!!!

*yes I am cranky

**yes I have been spending time on godawful pregnancy forums again… even though I know better

** makes for blog fodder though… and at least most of the girls in my “birth month club” are not complete douchemonkeys…

***note that I said MOST- there’s a couple I wouldn’t mind adding to the “shovel list”

****Yes, I now have a *list* of people I would like to “landscape” with… see previous post to find out what the hell I’m talking about… yes that was totally a shameless plug to make *people* read more…

 

Sooooo friggin furious right now!!!

Apparently I have issues with real-estate agents…
We’ve had three realtors in our house this past week to get it assessed for sale- the most recent I had met with previously at an open house of another house similar to ours (I was scoping the competition). She seemed really positive and even asked to come see our house whether or not we decided to list this year or wait until next spring. So I was kind of excited to have her come check us out, so to speak. Well, what a friggin let down!!!
She told us that she’d get the market analysis to us by the end of the next day (she came late morning, so she really had almost 2 days)… she never got back to us. Until three days later when she called and told us she wanted us to list at about 20K less than the next lowest realtor’s assessment. Now, the key is, we bought this house a year ago. It was a huge mess!! We had to do electrical, flooring, completely gut two rooms and some cosmetic work. We haven’t finished everything- we walked into a much bigger job than we thought we were getting into! We thought the work this house needed was just cosmetic, and unfortunately our inspector totally let us down when we were counting on him to REALLY inspect the place since we were living across the country and couldn’t actually SEE the place ourselves. But all the BIG jobs are done. So here this woman comes in KNOWING what we paid a year ago, KNOWING the amount of work we’ve put in- and she wants us to LIST the house for a measly 10K more than what we paid!! um, excuse me?? at that rate I’m not even going to pay off my mortgage after closing costs and paying her fee- NEVERMIND the amount of money I’ll have lost putting the work into this stupid house!!! Even if someone paid FULL list price I would be taking a huge loss!!! And her reasoning is because we haven’t done any landscaping!!! Are you fucking kidding me??? I know curb appeal is important- but it’s not worth 20freakingthousand dollars!!!!! I told my husband- I’ll do some landscaping- *I’ll club that woman over the head and bury her in my backyard!!! argh!!!
*disclaimer: obviously I would never ACTUALLY club anyone over the head and bury them in my backyard…

U/S do-over

How far along? based on U/S today 30+2; babe is still measuring ahead by about a week- big babies, I has em!

Bedrest so far: one week “rest at home”; starting today “rest at home or we put you in the hospital”

Total weight gain/loss:  didn’t get weighed this week

G.D. : sugars have been slightly higher due to the lack of activity… that was still apparently too much activity… boourns!

Cervical Length?:  1.7cm… the stitch IS still in!! apparently the U/S tech I had yesterday WAS new and “not very good at U/S” (direct quote from dr. wonderful); I had MY tech today to do another U/S;  My cervix IS still opening, but if I’m resting the way I should- doc is confident he can get me at least 4 more weeks. Babe is ready to go, head down- poking my cervix with his hands even! It’s all touch and go from here to see if I can get this little bugger to cooperate and stay put for at least four more weeks!

Labor signs: I have the odd contraction and the twinges I’ve been feeling are babe poking at the stitch and my cervix. Babe is head down and as far down as he can get right now. My cervix is opening slightly, and there is a chance my water may break because of it- I’m not to panic if I lose my mucous plug, just rest more- but if I’m contracting or my water breaks- go directly to hospital, do not pass go- do not collect $200…

Medications?: prenatals; my iron has been better so we’re forgoing the iron supplements for now unless that changes- we’ve got to balance the difficulty in pooing (which puts pressure on the stitch) with the risk of me having low hemoglobin.

Sleep:  more than I ever wanted… I nap a lot! There’s not a whole lot else to do at this point.

Best moment this week: being thanked by my usual tech, and again by the doc for bringing their attention to the other tech’s shortcomings. I can’t take the credit though. It was my husband. He worried about how stressed out I was after yesterday’s debacle, and called the clinic this morning. They told him to have me come in early this afternoon. I literally had a panic attack (thanks a bunch to the staff at the hospital back in Mb who treated me so horrifically I now have symptoms of PTSD and panic attacks when seeking medical care!!!) worrying that the staff would be mad and I would get treated badly.

Worst Moment this week:  the U/S yesterday and worrying myself sick over it.

Movement:  he’s a stitch jabbing little monkey! Lots of kicks and wiggles too!

Food cravings/aversions:   chinese food…. mmmmmmmm

Belly Button in or out?:  more in this week since little man turned down- it looks like my whole belly shrunk a bit

Gender:  boy!

What I miss:  I miss shopping….

What I am looking forward to:   making it at least four more weeks!!

Weekly Wisdom:  it’s better to “inconvenience” someone than it is for you to panic and stress and possibly hurt yourself physically. – my husband discussing his reasons for calling the clinic

Symptoms: BH’s; some contractions (like every couple of days); nausea; tired as shit!

???

I’m just too tired to do a full update tonight after spending the majority of the day in a panic and crying off and on. The measurements of my cervix today ranged from 1.63cm to 1.37cm; the tech I had today was an incompetent (hah!) twit and I’m not sure she even knew what she was looking for- I think the stitch may be gone. She didn’t find it in any case- not that she seemed to even look for it; and there was definite funneling, especially with valsalva (downward pressure, like when you take a poop). Funneling that should not even be possible with an abdominal cerclage. No instructions…. no reassurance… she just said she was done and I could go now and traipsed out of the room. Ditsy nincompoop didn’t even think to offer to help me sit up- funny considering she is working in a high risk pregnancy clinic (they do “normal” pregnancies too, but the majority seen in this office are people like me!) where there are a LOT of us on bedrest who are not supposed to sit up unassisted. She had just SEEN what happens with abdominal pressure- so she left me to sit up on my own. Fucking genius. In any case, I haven’t heard from the doc yet- quite frankly, I don’t even know if this stunned, pathetic excuse for a medical employee gave him the results or just handed them to the reception staff to process… which may take a couple of days… awesome… even with all the knowledge I have and the medical training- nothing has prepared me for this and I feel completely lost. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do, and I’ve discovered that I most definitely have some issues regarding hospital visits… which is a post for another time… for now, I’m going to go try to sleep despite the fact that I’m terrified and have a million zillion things running through my head right now.