HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!

It is FINALLY here… my wii fit bundle. I searched high and low since it came out to find one… and it just wasn’t ever there. But now, through a stroke of luck, or fluke, or maybe destiny…. I managed to pick up the wii fit this weekend. It is AMAZING!!!

Maybe I’m just saying that since it told me that I’ve lost 5lbs since my last Dr.’s appt. (about 2 weeks ago)… but so far, I LOVE it!!!!

In other news… ok… there IS no other news… I’m waiting patiently for October when I FINALLY get in to see the RE for the first time. I can say that it’s quite the nerve-wracking experience. It’s an interesting situation for us, being that my husband and I are actually experiencing secondary fertility, technically. I guess for him, it’s not. I was already in a serious relationship, while I was quite young. It ended when my daughter was almost a year old, I met my husband when she was four, we married when she was five and a half, and started trying for kids somewhere in between. It instills quite the range of emotions for me. On one hand, there’s gratitude, that I already have a daughter, and she’s the light of my life; there’s also guilt, that she’s NOT my husband’s biological daughter, and though you’d never know the difference unless someone mentioned it, I know… and that’s what really matters. I feel angry and cheated because it was so easy with my daughter… one slip with a condom (while on the pill to boot!!) and bam… guess who’s having a baby. And here we are, 2 years into TTC, waiting patiently to see a specialist who MAY or may not be able to help.

Which brings me to another moment of weakness. I had my first “is this worth it?” moment this weekend. I’ve been checking and re-checking the statistics on fertility medications and ARTs practically religiously. The stats never change, but somehow over the course of the weekend, part of me lost hope. MOST of me is excited, and hopeful, and looking forward to the day when I FINALLY get that new bundle of joy in my arms, but a teeny tiny part sits there, smug and self-satisfied saying “it’s never going to happen… and even if it does, you’re going to PAY for it.” And by pay, I don’t just mean the mucho $$$$ it’s going to cost to see the RE… I’m talking pain, and loss, and all the OTHER fun stuff that comes WITH seeing the RE. Thus far, we’ve managed to avoid the pain of having an M/C… only because we’ve never BEEN pregnant, but still… I’m TERRIFIED of all the what ifs… even the “what if we have multiples, more than I can carry, and we have to PICK some???” I know, it’s pretty far-fetched… but the mind does strange things in this seemingly never-ending quest of TTC. I guess what it really boils down to, is that I feel like an utter basket-case. They should SERIOUSLY consider issuing a straight-jacket and happy pills to anyone even CONSIDERING TTC.

So, I guess that’s my rant for the day…

Advertisements