BECAUSE I USE BAD WORDS…

For the birds…

Combo feeding is HARD!!! It takes 3 times as long to feed my boy than if I “picked a side”, so to speak. So I did… BFAR fail, once again. Anyone wanna buy a barely-used hospital-grade pump???

Otherwise, despite an epic infection that had me on 3 days IV antibiotics and 10 days oral, recovery from my c-section is going great! I feel great and baby boy is an awesome baby!! He really is everything I could ever have asked for! He ended up spending a total of 9 days in the NICU, we brought him home last Wednesday.

I must say it’s certainly been an adjustment. Gremlin is full-on into the terrible twos. It’s been a pretty steady stream of screaming, kicking, flailing temper tantrums from her for about three days now. She loves her brother and wants to help out so much. We let her do what she can, but she’s gotten really impatient and has regressed pretty badly in her vocalization. Where she used to ask so nicely for things, she’s been doing the scream and point a lot more this week. I’m hoping things settle down soon- could be wishful thinking though, since we’ve just completed the master bedroom floor and therefore will be moving back up to the main floor from our basement for sleeping. eek!

As far as the difficulties go though, it really isn’t so bad. I’m tired, still slightly sore, but I have a huge help in having my husband home, a once-a-week house cleaner, and a really content, easy baby.

I’ve also had a lot of success as far as my weight-loss goes. I was “banded” in March of 2011, and had lost a fair bit of weight before getting pregnant, about 35lbs from my heaviest weight. Well, I’m thrilled to say that I’m now at the lowest weight I’ve been in about 4 years. I’ve still got about 45lbs until my pre-marriage weight, and 90lbs before I’m at my ‘goal’. I almost crapped my pants when I stepped on the scale today, I was honestly half-expecting to see an increase in my weight- even though I can see the visible differences the loss has made. My face is less full, my wedding ring even is fitting different. I’m still all jello-y and post-partum doughy round the middle- but I’ll take it!!

Overdue

baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahaahahahaahahahhahahaha…. yeah. that was a bad joke…

I’m pretty certain most, if not all, of my loyal readers are already aware that Little Man is here! This is the story, a few days late of how shiz went down.

As you already know if you’ve been keeping up with my drivel, I’ve been experiencing “prodromal” labour for a couple of weeks now. Which sucked. The contractions seemed to be increasing in severity, but never getting any regularity whatsoever. I’d contract every 5 or so minutes for an hour, just to have them slow down to about every 20 mins for an hour then pick up again… In any case, I was told by the OB covering for Dr. Awesome that if I started bleeding or leaking fluid to get my ass to the hospital. None of that ever had a chance to happen.

Friday night was pretty miserable, I barely slept, and just felt a general state of total fatigue and crap- contracting constantly, again without any rhyme or reason. I tried taking Ty.lenol to calm things down with minimal success. Saturday was worse…. much much worse. I knew the contractions I was having were labour contractions, but because they never came closer together or had any regularity whatsoever, I was extremely reluctant to go get checked out. (believe me, it’s really NOT fun to drive 1/2 an hour to the hospital to get told to “suck it up princess- it’s just false labour; faking it will not get you any sympathy here” <— yes, I WAS actually told this during my last pregnancy during the five weeks of prodromal hell I experienced- it was one of many many horrible awful very bad no good things spouted to me during that time). So anyway, by 11pm Saturday night, I was in the tub writhing in pain that was enough to bring me to tears, a very epic accomplishment considering I live in constant pain from the fibro, and so have a very very high pain tolerance. My husband, knowing this, became pretty concerned, and called L&D, who, obviously, told him to make me come in… so I argued with him for about half an hour and told him I’d just take more Ty.lenol and try to sleep it off… hahahahaahahaha

Needless to say, my husband won the argument… I went in to L&D to discover their equipment actually works, and although irregular my contractions were most definitely measuring in the level of “painful”. I was checked for dilation and given a very brief external U/S to ensure the stitch had not already ruptured. Lo and behold, my asshole cervix was opening- I was 1-2cm, with a guessed length of about 1/2-1cm only. GO ME!! There was some discussion among the OB on call and perinatologist who I love- she was the perinatologist whom I met with during my previous hospital stay- and myself on the best course of action. I was given two choices; wait it out and hope upon hope that the labour stopped, risking the stitch rupturing, hemorrhage, big mess and possible hysterectomy OR deliver this “term” baby NOW. Given the U/S dating, we all assumed I was closer to 37 weeks than 36, and because I’d been given steroids already to help with lung development, everyone agreed that was our safest course. Hubs left the hospital to take our surprisingly un-exhausted Gremlin home to bed, and I was prepped for surgery; Getting an IV started was a bitch, I got poked about 5 or so times for that, and twice to get bloodwork drawn. Then was taken down to the OR to try and get a spinal started. It actually worked out in my favor that we weren’t able to get it started,  because the OB got called away to do a delivery!! By the time he go back, the spinal would have worn off- so right out to sleep I went.

The surgery went well, and at 4:07 am July 29th, 2012 my wee man was born!! A whopping 8lbs 13oz and 20 inches long! (my little short-ass!)

Unfortunately, the tale doesn’t quite end there… I awoke in a room and was asked if I would like to see my boy. It was explained that he was slightly more premature than was suspected- his estimated gestational age only 36 weeks, and that due to that, and the fact that I had GD (which can cause delay in lung development, even when controlled well), he was having a bit of trouble breathing and would need to be in the NICU. They wheeled him in to see me, CPAP mask in place, and removed his little cap to show me his abundance of dark, slightly wavy hair- he looks just like his daddy!!! I quickly dozed back off, I’d been given a goodly dose of morphine after surgery (I also had my tubes tied), but I dreamed of my sweet, dark-haired little love.

It’s now four days later and I’m your typical, exhausted, post-partum mom. Recovery from the surgery has been very hard, and complicated by the high level of activity I’ve had to maintain due to trips to the NICU, both in hospital (long friggin walk from my ward to there), and now being home, with an active toddler making daily trips to the hospital (more long friggin walks from the parkade to the NICU); almost complete lack of ability to have any sort of real “rest” between 2-3 hour wakings to pump so that wee man can get every single drop of breast milk available to him, and the stress of having a babe in NICU. For the most part, I can’t say a single bad thing about the staff at the hospital here- they have done so much and been so kind, and helpful- the complete opposite of the experience I had with Gremlin, but it’s still stressful all the same- and made harder by the fact that I do have my little Gremlin and have to divide my time between a toddler who can’t understand why mama has to be gone so much time, and a little man in the hospital who I want to be with so desperately it’s almost physically painful.

The positive side of it all is this- my sweet boy-child is here, and he is doing very well. He spent a day and a bit on CPAP, moving up to nasal cannula, and has been doing trials on room air since Wednesday. He was able to start taking the breast Wednesday night, and is a voracious little piggy! He’s definitely his father’s boy- apparently hubs’ mom used to cry when she had to feed him because he was such an insatiable little hog!! He’s a lot more alert every day, he wakes when he hears my voice every time I come to visit now and starts wiggling like mad to be picked up. He loves his paci like it’s a part of him, and is the most amazing little snuggler- when doing kangaroo care he literally tries to wrap his wee little arms around you, or grabs your finger like a lifeline- he just never wants to be let go. He is the most amazing little miracle and I love him more than life itself. I can’t wait to bring him home and have our family all together again under the same roof.

Because I know you’ve all been waiting with bated breath!

I’m typing this on an iPad, so it won’t be my regular, long-winded drivel this time.

How far along? 35+

Bedrest so far:  too damn much… Honestly, this shit is getting old. It doesn’t help that I’ve been patiently waiting for my section date, they have temp/new staff at my ob’s office right now and the stupid twats didn’t even book it yet! Fucking useless… They also haven’t given me updated copies of my records since I was in hosp… Even though I’ve asked for them every week since then… I STILL don’teven know if my GBS came back positive! And I get to have another next week regardless…lucky me! I mean, come on, who DOESN’T love having their anus swabbed?

Total weight gain/loss: lost again this past week… Net gain 3lbs

G.D. : as suspected, the ridiculous heat was playing into the sweetness of my urine…Sugar levels are good and my urine was just fine this week…

Cervical Length?:  no idea… Doesn’t really matter at this point… We’re playing “wait and see”… If I have any bleeding-get my ass to the hosp. Ditto for signs of impending labour…. Just what the woman with PTSD needs to hear when she’s terrified to go to the hospital for signs of impending labour!

Labor signs:   Lots… Got myself a good case of prodromal again…. Will contract every 5-7 mins for an hour, then slow down to every 7-10 for an hour, pick up again for half an hour… Slow down again for a bit…I’ve been getting sleep in 2-3 hour patches

Medications?: prenatals, and back on the iron pills again, I’ve also had to start taking tums for occasional heartburn, Tylenol for the ridonkulous friggin back pain, and I take a colace about once a week for poos that seem to alternate between rock hard, fist-sized chunks and liquid napalm…

Sleep:  in shitty little 2-3 hour chunks… It fucking blows

Best moment this week:  having several people compliment us on how well behaved our just-turned two year old Gremlin is. The shock when they find out she is in fact JUST two (as of Tuesday) and not 3 or even close to it, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

Worst Moment this week:  dealing with shit staff who don’t know wtf they’re doing at my ob’s office. And with him actually gone right now, there’s shit-all I can do about it. They seem to have this lazy dogfucker attitude (maybe cuz they’re mostly temps?) and if you complain they just cop attitude like they “know” you couldn’t do any better….Except in my case I know i CAN do better! I want to just wade through there like a fucking tank bitchslapping people until they get a fucking clue.

Movement:  he’s really running out of room in there. I actually did an extra kick-count today cuz he was so quiet. All is well though! It ended up only taking 20 mins to get 10 movements.

Food cravings/aversions:   Nothing is appetizing to me right now… I’m actually having a hard time eating anything due to the recurrence of epic morning sickness and nausea… Not even the diclectin is helping…

Belly Button in or out?: still some kind of warped looking thing.

Gender:  unless some kind of epic mutation has occurred in the last week, he’s still a boy.

What I miss:  I  miss NOT having almost constant contractions. BH’s I can deal with, contractions that wrap you in a bear-hug of pain, not so much. Also, contractions when there is a stitch in the way are REALLY fucking painful! In ways I can’t even really describe… It’s worse than labour… Seriously. I have actually laid awake at night HOPING the goddamn stitch would just give out so I can have this over and done with.

What I am looking forward to:   C-section. Tolerable pain and sleepless nights…

Weekly Wisdom:  lets make sure we get this section booked this week, i’ll make a note to  talk to dr. Awesome when he gets back to see if he wants to bump it up. – this from the OB currently covering for my usual OB. She’s pretty great, but you can tell she’s a bit out of her element with me, and the staff obviously pretty much ignore her when she tells them to do shit and just do whatever the fuck they feel like, which is mostly sitting around on their asses romancing the pooch.

Symptoms: pain, pain, some more pain… N/V, exhausted, whiny (as if you couldn’t tell), cranky…

late update

So I totally missed a week, but I’m beginning to think I’m the only one who actually reads these things… it doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things… in un-gestating-related news, it is hot as demon balls up in my little corner of the woods, and therefore I am probably a bit of an ungrateful cunt vis-a-vis this pregnancy continuing.

How far along? depends who you ask. as of Tuesday, the dating the tech used had me at 35+0; by ovulation I was 34+6; the antenatal nurse had me at 33+5; I don’t actually have any idea what date the doc is going by anymore, and I’m still seeing the fill-in doc for now… I figure I’ll have a better idea when the doc’s office FINALLY calls me back letting me know what date my c-section is booked for. Doc said she was going to get it booked for 39 weeks.

Bedrest so far: still on bedrest… apparently it’s working, because despite the cramping/contractions on and off and cervical twinges and back ache from h-e-double-hockeysticks, there’s been no change in my cervix… hooray for prodromal labour!

Total weight gain/loss:  I actually gained!! after a loss of 1lb at last weeks appt, I’ve managed to gain that lb back plus 1 for a total of about 5lbs gained!! go me!!

G.D. : my sugars have been fine, but I did have sugar in my urine at my last appt. doc doesn’t seem concerned though- she figures it is very likely due to the fact that it’s hotter than a well-worked stripper pole in vegas, and so I’m sweating like a mo-fo, and even though I’m drinking copious amounts of water, it’s entirely possible that I am suffering from mild dehydration- you can only drink so much water and realistically with the heat what it’s been, the only way to FULLY prevent even mild dehydration at this point would be with IV fluids…

Cervical Length?:  still sitting at 1.7cm; babe’s head is still sitting on the stitch, and there’s some mild funneling/beaking with what looks like the membranes encroaching into the space; the consensus is that if I were to go into actual LABOUR instead of this practice shit, my water will break first… this actually makes me happy- it will be nice to have a clear-cut indicator of impending labour instead of contractions that fizzle out after going to the hospital for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks like last time. I was informed though, that if I am contracting 5mins apart or less to get my ass to the hospital and make it VERY clear that I have an abdominal stitch; ditto if I experience any leaking of fluid… even if I think it might just be pee.

Labor signs:   hooray for prodromal (aka “false”) labour… I get contractions on and off, they come regular for a bit, then slow down, my back hurts like someone punched me several times, I get twinges through my cervix and anus, shooting pains through my thighs every once in a while, I get diarrhea one day, then don’t poo for two days… and standing makes me want to die from the pressure of little man being so far down.

Medications?: prenatals, and back on the iron pills again…

Sleep:  I sleep a lot!!! It seems that’s all I do a lot of days… sleep, get up to pee, sleep some more, snuggle baby kitties, get up to pee, kick playing kitties out of my bed so I can sleep, go pee, watch some TV, get up to pee, sleep…. I snuggle sweet baby girl too- she’s been just chock-full of snugglies!!

Best moment this week: finding out that my section is being booked for term!! No one- not me, not my doc, NO ONE thought I would even make it to 35 weeks- in fact, my doc fully intended to section me between 33-35 weeks way back when he put the stitch in!! To have made it this far, every week from here on out is total gravy!! And despite being exceptionally uncomfortable, I’m also exceptionally overjoyed to know that I won’t be having a drawn-out nicu stay!! (at most, if babe was to come today, we’d maybe have a couple of days!!)

Worst Moment this week: flying PMG out to live with her father. It was an extremely difficult decision, but ultimately it was the best decision for our entire family. I’m handling the placement much better this time than last- I think it very likely has to do with the fact that I can’t physically see the squalor she’s living in, and so I can assume she’s telling me the truth when she says things are fine. I do know that she called me first thing this morning- she arrived last night- and seems to really miss Gremlin; it makes me sad, but it’s one of those things that we all just need to get through. I honestly hope with all my heart that she can be happy out there; for several months she’s been miserable here, believing that life in asshole-ville is a fucking picnic and so much better than living here.

Movement:  slowing down a bit- I’ve got another big baby on board (measuring 37+weeks) who’s very very long… so he’s running out of room pretty fast!!

Food cravings/aversions:   rueben sandwiches; I had hubby pick me up supplies to make them and have had three just this past week…. mmmmmmm

Belly Button in or out?: it’s this weird flatness with a little kind of “lip” on top…

Gender:  definitely boy… little bugger has NO problem flashing his junk- we STILL haven’t gotten a good face shot of the little bugger in TWELVE stinkin u/s.

What I miss:  I miss normal summer temperatures. It’s not supposed to be this hot and humid up in the Alberta- it feels like I never left Manitoba; and I don’t have bloody AC out here since everyone told me we wouldn’t bloody need it…. well, I’m 8 goddamn months pregnant and it’s hotter than Robert Downey Junior’s ass in prison and I am fucking broke as shit so I can’t afford a damn air conditioner, without which I think I might just friggin die!!!

What I am looking forward to:   autumn… god I want normal temperatures again… and to not feel like I’m sitting in a sauna all day, every day… I don’t even LIKE saunas!!!

Weekly Wisdom:    I got nothing…. it’s too hot to breathe dammit, let alone THINK!!

Symptoms: BH’s, irritability, weepiness, exhaustion, starving all the time, but too much baby to eat a lot, sore, tired, bitchy, pelvic pressure from hell, cervical twinges, MORE nausea…..

Another Post-OB Update

How far along? 32+

Bedrest so far: three days in hosp, strict bedrest at home until delivery; so far no one has been stabbed, but I am definitely feeling cooped up and stabby…

Total weight gain/loss:  nada for this week- grand total of about 3lbs… fundal height measurement 36 weeks- babe is over 5lbs at this point, so it’s ALL belly!!!

G.D. : just fine since coming home… fasting sugars are creeping up a wee bit though..

Cervical Length?:  no measurement for this week- since I’m not actively in preterm labour anymore, the doc wants to avoid doing anything that might aggravate the situation, so he’s waiting two weeks before doing another U/S for cervical length- with very strict instructions that I’m to go straight to the hospital if I’m having contractions or lots of discharge/water breaks etc etc… still being monitored daily by a nurse.

Labor signs:  It’s only painful if I’m moving… lol- I get BH’s every once in a while usually in the evenings, or if I’ve sat up for a while; I get wicked cramping and back pain if I’m up on my feet for more than a few mins or if I have a BM.

Medications?: prenatals, iron supplements, stool softeners as needed…

Sleep:  more than any human needs- it’s all broken up into little cat naps between going pee and having to move because my hips and pelvis feel like someone’s taken a hammer to them…

Best moment this week:  Gremlin running around “firing” everyone in the house and telling them to get out!

Worst Moment this week: Finally purchasing the one-way ticket for PMG to go back to MB… at this point, she’s only about 8 months away from turning 12, at which point she is legally entitled to choose where she wants to live. Unless I could prove gross negligence (like, she was being starved to death or left alone for days at a time) or that her father was an abusive piece of shit (unfortunately epic douchebaggery doesn’t constitute abuse), she can choose where to live; and so PMG once again decided she would rather live with her “father” and rather than have her leave midway through the school year when she is 12, we decided to just let her stay now, since we had planned to let her spend part of her summer vacation back “home” with her father and grandparents… On the positive side, it saves me two extra flight tickets…

Movement:  lots of strong punches and kicks- he gets really excited when Gremlin is nearby…

Food cravings/aversions: chocolate and chocolate cake with ice cream… I finally gave in to the craving this evening and it was soooooooooooo good.

Belly Button in or out?: very very flat… with kind of a lip on the top…

Gender:  very much boy!

What I miss: being allowed outside of my house for something besides OB appts.

What I am looking forward to:  having baby boy home and healthy…. no more bedrest!!

Weekly Wisdom:   um… yes…. I have nothing for this…

Symptoms: BH’s, irritability, weepiness, exhaustion, starving all the time, but too much baby to eat a lot!

post-hospital update

It’s been a bit of a crazy week with another epic fail ultrasound, a whole lotta cramping and a wheeeee! fun panic attack. The end result of all the fun- I won a two-night, three day stay at the hospital. I’m now home, being seen by a home-care nurse who comes once a day to do an NST and monitor for contractions. The good news, ffN was negative- which should give me at least two weeks, and even if it doesn’t, based on babe’s development, the perinatology team and neonatologist all feel that little man will do very well.  Statement from the doc is that this boy is coming early one way or another, but we will do the best we can to make it to at least 34-35 weeks, barring any complications- also keeping me home as long as possible, however there’s a good chance that I’ll spend at least another week or two chillin at the hosp before this little monkey gets delivered. The bad news is that it’s all touch-and-go from here. I’m on pretty strict bedrest to avoid any more contractions (they’re a little more thorough in checking for them here- they picked up several on the first NST, not regular thankfully) and my cervix, though maintaining at 1.7cm IS showing some definite beaking and possibly fluid inside the gap. Babe is definitely on the down low and putting a lot of pressure on the stitch, which was extremely difficult to see at this point due to his head resting ON the stitch. They’ll be keeping a really close eye on it from here on out- doing U/S weekly, instead of every two weeks… now onto your regularly scheduled weekly update:

How far along? 31+

Bedrest so far: three days in hosp, strict bedrest at home until delivery

Total weight gain/loss:  no idea… won’t get weighed until next Tuesday

G.D. : the hospital “diabetic diet” is total bullshit- my sugars SUCKED!!! They’ve been fine since I got home though…

Cervical Length?:  1.7cm with beaking and possible fluid in the gap…

Labor signs:  since coming home I’ve just had a few BH’s, the back pain I was having late last week, and early this week has abated, and with the increased time spent horizontal I haven’t had any contractions. yay!!!

Medications?: prenatals, and back on the iron pills again…

Sleep:  in the hospital, I could hardly sleep to save my life- when I got home I napped for a good 2-3 hours, and then slept almost 12 hours last night… I was so tired I didn’t even have to get up to pee… was pretty uncomfortable when I did wake up though!!

Best moment this week: getting to come home from the hospital. The kitties missed me!! And obviously so did my Gremlin- she has been pretty much glued to me since I got home…

Worst Moment this week: having a panic attack at the hospital because I was so terrified to go into the assessment ward at L&D. Even though I’ve been told again, and again, and again to go for ANYTHING- no matter how small, I can’t seem to get over the hang up of how I was treated at the hospital back in MB. I’m terrified to be treated that way again- to be called a liar, told that I’m just looking for attention and to stop it, that I’m in false labour and just having braxton hicks so “suck it up”… (yes, these are all things that were ACTUALLY said to me, to my face, by NURSING STAFF at the L&D assessment unit back in MB) not to mention the physical damage that was caused to my cervix because they refused to do their jobs- damage that was so bad my OBGYN there told me that I should NEVER get pregnant again, even if I didn’t need fertility treatment. I hate that the things they said and did have made me into this person who is terrified to seek medical care, even for valid reasons.

Movement:  lots and lots! I’ve definitely gotten to know his schedule really well- he’s a good little boy and sleeps when momma sleeps, and plays after I eat, and sometimes a little bit before. He’s definitely got some strong legs on him- I’ve never had kicks quite like this little guy gives before!!

Food cravings/aversions:   chocolate!! even though it’s really a no-no for me I can’t help wanting sweet sweet chocolatey goodness…

Belly Button in or out?: I can’t see it.. it’s almost flat.

Gender:  still most definitely a boy! The tech I had at the hospital was awesome and we joked about how often some techs are wrong- she doesn’t understand how someone who does what they do for a living can mistake the two different bits, unless they can’t really see and just guess.

What I miss:  I miss being mobile. I know now that I REALLY need to take it easy and not push my luck. I miss being able to hope that I’d make it to at least 36 or 37 weeks despite the difficulties I’ve been having (yes, I have been THAT delusional that no matter how many times I’ve been told otherwise, I kept hoping I’d defy the odds in my favor for once!) I miss thinking that we’d manage to avoid the NICU entirely- or at least only need a couple of days… that’s extremely unlikely to happen, our best case scenario now is to make it to 35 weeks and hopefully only need a week or two… 34 weeks is much more likely… and at worst I’ve got only 2 weeks (based on the fact that the ffN was negative)

What I am looking forward to:   having this pregnancy over and done with… I want little man to stay in as long as humanly possible, but the stress of yet another high risk pregnancy is really getting to me. I’m depressed and irritable and just so over it!!! I can’t wait to just be exhausted and sore and blissfully in love with this little man- to have him home and safe and sound in my arms.

Weekly Wisdom:   what happened in MB should NEVER happen. I was informed by multiple staff at the hospital that their job was to make ME feel better, even if it seemed I was simply seeking attention and wasting their time. They never once made me feel like I was an inconvenience, or taking up a bed that someone else “deserved” more than me. I was also informed that if I didn’t NEED to be in the hospital- I wouldn’t be!!!! And the ward was completely full after I arrived. They actually had to send several women to other wards and into overflow beds because they were so busy!

Symptoms: BH’s, irritability, weepiness, exhaustion, starving all the time, but too much baby to eat a lot!

This shiz be cray!!!

I am typing this on my phone so it’s gonna be short. I have been upgraded to a lovely suite in the hosp. After yet another fail-trasound wherein no accurate measurement was taken but a whole crap tonne of cramping ensued, my hubby again stepped in and dragged my arse to the hospital. I proceeded to have a Full-on shitstorm of a panic attack, so he then called my doc to back him up. I got to hang out in assessment for a bit and then the really nice resident told me that after speaking with my ob, they were going to keep me. No word yet on how long, I’m to have a proper u/s tomorrow to see how things are looking. But my ob’s an early bird who does rounds at asscrack dawn, so I’d better try and get some shuteye. 


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.